Me & My Vision
by kagje94
Summary: It's been five years since i saw him,Lucas. We split up for all the right reasons. Now i'm engaged and i have daughter, and i'll be able to see him again tell him what happened to me the last 5 years. Then i wonder how he is and if he's happy, xoxo Peyton
1. Returning home, is never just the place

Me and My Vision

**Chapter 1. Returning home, Is never just a place.**

I walked into the bedroom finding Mark on our bed with Olivia. I chuckle at the sight, of two of my three favourite people, tangled up in a deep slumber.

Of course two of them, with three of them, I'm not sure I'd found myself chuckling at that sight.

Mark is my fiancée, I met him a little less than 5 years ago, at a Cure concert. No that I was there for fun, I worked there. I'm still trying to figure out what exactly it is what he does. Something in the technical way. I'm not sure how we met, my memory of that night is a little hazy. Something with lots of alcohol, and me running in at him on my way the a bathroom.

Can't believe that sight would have been a reason to call the two days later. For coffee, of course. Strong appreciation for Starbucks, nothing like a Mocha, to start your day with. Anyway, he hit off very well. We dated for a year, 5 months and 6 days. Then one night we were lying in bed at his place and suddenly he turns on the lights. He laughed at my confused face, and then pulled a ring out of the drawer of his bedside table. I was stunned. My first response was, "Is it necessary we do this now?" That also, made him laugh. I didn't think it was funny at all. He always sees life in a different perspective then I do.

So he opens that box, that little black box, and you will not believe what kind of ring appeared. It was beautiful, it is beautiful. ¬ I stare at the ring on my finger. ¬ the diamond wasn't huge, I was pretty, it was in proportion, it complimented the ring. I love it.

Although Mark was afraid it wasn't big enough. That was the only thing that upset me really, that he thought I'd care. I love it, I really wouldn't have it any other way.

So, when we were at the subject of new things, I had a confession myself, by the way I said yes to the proposal.

I was pregnant, the proposal couldn't have come better. Mark was I little shocked, but happy. So was I. I was three months pregnant, and now I'm not pregnant anymore, we had a little girl Olivia, she's three years old, but we're still engaged. We've both been so busy with work and moving in together and Olivia that we hadn't even had time the think, let alone the wedding plans.

My third favourite person, left spot two when Olivia came, and she announced four months ago that she was getting married in four months. Mainly because I was engaged before she was, and because Olivia was my everything, details.

So I walked in there watching Mark and Olivia sleep, on my bed, while I was packing!

"Mark!" I whistled. "Get up!"

"He what?" He replied sleepily. God so typically to sleep when I'm doing al the work.

"Wake up sleepy, I'm not packing alone, you promised to packed, Olivia's suitcase." I muttered.

He flashed his smile, that sweet, loving, don't-stress-too-much-it's-not-healthy smile. "Calm down, we're leaving tomorrow, I could pack Olivia's suitcase, tomorrow morning if necessary." He told me calmly.

He crawled off the bed and stood right in front of me. Leaned forward to place a kiss on my lips. "You should do I now" I told him. "You never know what happens tomorrow."

He smiled and placed his hands on both sides of my face. "I will, I just fell a sleep for a moment." And her turned around taking a quick look a Olivia, as she napped.

I smiled. The sight of my sleeping daughter was always heart warming. "She's pretty as she sleeps" I said dreamily as he was on his way out of our bedroom.

He turned around and turned his arms around my waist, gently placing multiple kisses in my neck. "Yah, almost as pretty as her mom." He mumbled between the kisses. I chuckled.

"But why is she in our bed?" I asked. He stopped kissing my neck and said: "Because, she refused to sleep in her own."

"She's really picky isn't she?" I replied smiling. "Yeah, she looks more like you everyday." He chuckled.

I exclaimed offended.

"It's okay, I like you as your are, both of you." And with that he left our bedroom.

God I love that man.

* * *

I know it was absurd, but when I got Brookes invitation to her wedding, the only thing I could think about was, Peyton.

I spent the last 5 years, on my education. Well not just the last five years, the last five years since Peyton and I broke up.

I spent my whole life on education till now. I was writer, successful writer, with as extra job to coach the Tree Hill Ravens along the side of it.

I lived in Tree Hill as long as I could remember. I still do, although I've been away, in the 4 years that followed high school.

I went to Stanford with my best friend Haley. I also straightened things out with my half brother, Nathan. We're good friends now, and neither of us speaks to our father. He lives in New York, playing for the New York Knicks, since a year.

I dated Peyton in high school. I loved her, but after high school we just kind of lost touch. She was busy with her career and so was I. I miss her everyday and wonder if she misses me. It's been so long.

So when I received Brooke's announcement. The first thing on my mind was Peyton. Brooke did managed to stay in touch with her, so I was positive that Peyton would be at the wedding. Brooke had rented a huge ranch just outside Tree Hill. She would get married home, I was sure her soon to be husband just had to go, with everything Brooke wanted.

I was on my way to my office at Tree Hill High. I walked into my office and Haley was sitting in my chair behind my desk. "Well, I see head couch, sure has changed." I said playful.

"Hi, Luke" Haley replied. "What are you doing here, don't they have teachers lounge for this?" I asked.

Haley sighed and removed her feet of my desk. "I know, but al those teachers still look at me as if they are my teachers, gives me the chills." She said shivering.

"Yeah, I know what you mean." I said smiling. "So, Brookes wedding this weekend, are you anxious to see Peyton?" She asked me. It was the one question I didn't want to answer. It was bad enough I still wasn't over her after five years, and I didn't want to share it with Haley.

"Not really, we both moved on, but I guess it'll be good to see her." I lied through my teeth. "Luke, did anyone every told you, you can't lie" Haley said smirking. "Fine, yes I am anxious to see her!" I surrendered.

"It's okay, Luke, after five years It might work out for you after all." Haley said, still smirking.

"I hope, we haven't been in touch at all, I wonder what her life is like." I said, fearing that she might have moved on, and that she was seeing someone.

"I'm sure it's just as miserable as yours." Haley flashed her bright as light smile. "Thanks, Hales. Oh, by the way, guess who else is coming to the wedding?" I said aiming for Nathan.

"Who?" She asked, seriously having no clue." I smirked and jumped on my desk, my back facing her. "Nathan." I said nonchalant.

"For the last time Luke, there's nothing between me and Nathan!" She said frustrated. I once caught her and Nathan, making out, but she was still denying that they were dating.

"Well, let's hope we both get what we want, when everyone is back in town at once." I said grinning.

"Scott, you suck." She said and walked out my office.

* * *

"Julian, honey please!" I pleaded. My fiancée could be could be such a idiot at times. "Brooke, I will just give me a little bit more time, I can't do eight thing at once." Julian replied while he stepped off the ladder. I just finished placing all the chairs for the ceremony.

"You know Brooke, you parents paid for the wedding, you could have hired more people to help." Julian said placing a kiss on my lips. "You know I like to keep thing in my own hands, or at least in hand I can trust." I said tangling my fingers with his as we held hands.

"Really?" He sighed. "So what was it that you wanted me to do?" He asked me. I flashed my cheery smile and said: "Follow me." And skipped through the ranch holding his hand, dragging him along.

We went upstairs and I threw open two French doors, a huge and beautiful bedroom were exposed. I dragged him inside closing the doors behind me.

"So what was it that I needed to do?" He asked smirking. "This is out honeymoon suite." I announced. "And I need you to try out the bed."

He raised an eyebrow at my remark, but I was sure he knew where I was getting at.

"Okay" He replied. He sat down on the bed, then lay down. "It's very nice" he said sitting up.

I shook my head and said: "No, I said try out the bed." And sat on his lap straddling him, leaning forward to kiss him.

"Mmh, yeah, I'm liking the bed a lot." He said. Turning his arms around my waist. "I thought you might like it." I replied cheerfully leaning in to give him another kiss.

Suddenly he started tickling me. "Ahh" I exclaimed. He lifted me of his lap and onto the bed.

I jiggled as he continued tickling me. "I surrender!" I squealed.

"Please!" I kept squealing, but her kept tickling me, till he started feeling sorry for me.

"Okay, he pulled me up, and kissed me passionately. I moaned pleased and deepened the kiss.

I quickly, pulled away from the kiss, as I heard someone cough. "Oh, mom" I said I little shocked.

"Little early don't you think darling?" She said icy, as always. The invitation to my wedding was pure an formality, but for some reason she felt obligated to come, I guess she dragged my father along.

"Sorry." She apologised. I wasn't sure why, I was apologising to my mother, for kissing my fiancée, on my wedding day.

"Could you come? I need to check whether your dress is ready." She said still icy.

I sighed turned "So, I guess, that's another chore you can cross of your list!" I said, sounding convincingly cheerful, which I wasn't since there was another hour with my mother coming up.

Julian groaned playfully "Right, where was that list again?"

I was standing by the door now, "Fridge, honey" I said and then followed my mother out of the room.

* * *

I was packing my bags, for Brookes wedding eagerly, but Brookes wedding wasn't the reason I was so eager to return to Tree Hill. Last spring, a few months back, Lucas and Haley came to visit me in New York. I patched things up with Lucas, so we tried to keep it that way and stay in touch. So he came to New York, and he brought Haley. I'd known Haley, as tutor girl, the way Brooke called her. Lucas might have entered our world when he joined the Ravens, Haley had her way of staying out. Like I stayed out of Lucas' way. I didn't bother him, he didn't bother me. He was only bothered by my father, out father.

So this was the first time, I spent time with Haley, but she was totally different. She had short dark hair, and was not as self-conscious, as I remembered. She was actually, very straight forward, cheerful, not nerdy at all.

So I made my moves, but she wasn't impressed, merely amused by my attempts, my interest in her.

She'd laughed at my face, but eventually she gave in, and we get caught making out, by Lucas.

He merely thought is was amusing, they clearly spend to much time together.

But to continue, when they left New York, Haley left things open, she wasn't interest in a steady relationship, and dating wasn't quite easy with dozen states between each other.

So I was, like I already pointed out, eager to see her again, hoping she wouldn't be dating someone else by now. She was hot, any guy would be crazy to let her walk. Like me, I let her walk, but I knew, that if she wasn't, I wouldn't let her go again.

* * *

I walked through the hallways of Tree Hill High. I came from Lucas' Office. God that boy could work on my nerves.

I was a little anxious to see, Nathan, but I wasn't going to tell Lucas that. The full friendship disclosure, only went so far. It was bad enough he caught, me and Nathan in that one weak moment.

I had grown a lot since high school, so had he, but he was still Nathan Scott. I wasn't so much, the same Haley James I used to be. I dressed different, more grown up, classy. I matured. I was proud of that. Guys whistled, something I wasn't used to.

I was happy, with who I was. I owned my own apartment, in Tree Hill. I had a job as teacher at Tree Hill High.

I walked out the school onto the quad. I found myself a table in the sun, put my feet up, and pulled Twilight out of my bag. I might be a teacher, and twilight might not have been on the reading list, but that didn't make it not a pleasure to read.

I sat there for about fifteen minutes, before the bell rang and I emerged myself to my classroom.

Still thinking about this weekend, I was scarily eager to see him again, but I wasn't going to let him know. If he wanted more, He should come and en get it. I was positive about that. Just like I was positive that Brookes wedding was going to be much more that a wedding, Lucas was not planning on letting Peyton leave without a engagement ring on her finger, to be clear his engagement ring. I was also positive about Nathans plans for the weekend. I wasn't positive about how I felt about that.

I was so caught up in my thoughts about the weekend that walked into Alex, a new teacher a THHS. "Oh, sorry" I apologised. He worked here only for a couple of weeks, he was about 25 and It was his second school, where he worked.

"It's okay, Haley is it right?" He asked more that he said it. "Yah, I teach English." I informed him. "Hi, I'm Alex, I teach calculus." He told me. He flashed me a smile. I smiled back friendly.

"Hi, it's nice to meet you." I said by lack of better. "I don't see you a lot, you don't spent you breaks in the teachers lounge." He said blushing.

"Yah, I went to school here, not so long ago, so all the teachers still, seem like my teacher, scares the hell out of me." I confessed.

He chuckled "Cheerleader, bad grades?" He asked. This made me blush. "No, nerd, valedictorian my graduating class." I said trying to be spontaneous, didn't really work.

"Wow, and still scared of your teachers." He said, he seemed to think it was funny. "It's not funny, it's one of the things on my list of things I'm deathly afraid of." I said chuckling, realising that I, didn't had to teach this hour.

"What else is not that list." He asked amused. I chuckled and beckoned him to walk outside with me.

"Well, I'm also deathly, afraid of clowns."

He broke into a fit of laughter. "That's not funny!" I squealed hitting him playfully. "Ouch" he replied to my spontaneous way of making physical contact.

"You're starting to hit me? I think I might need to add you to my list of things I'm deathly afraid of." He said smirking.

"Sorry," I said giving in. "You seem like a nice person Haley, that's when you don't hit." He said sitting down at a table. "Ah! You're such a sissy." I provoked him.

"Oaky, how about a date? Saturday night?" He asked. He caught me of guard, and I probably seemed a little too shocked. "That is, if you're not already seeing someone, Coach Scott?" He said quickly.

I laughed. I wasn't the first time people thought that they just spent a lot of time together.

"No, Lucas is just a good friend, we've been friend since we were seven, I'm not seeing anyone, I'm just not used to being asked on a date. I hope I didn't scare you?" I said half laughing half trying the reassure him.

"Not used to? you're such a beauty." He said, seemly not having a problem with compliments. "Thank you, but I'm just as single as I've always been." I said realising I might have given a little too much away.

"Not dated recently?" He asked. I must have looked at him like he was crazy when my thoughts went back to Nathan, because he looked quite stunned.

"Sorry, I have a hard time, keeping anything from anyone when it's on my mind, sorry." I chickened out, and stood up and took off.

I probably left him even more stunned, but a didn't dare to look back. I got in my car and took off, and I called him a sissy. I was being lame! I could slap myself, but before he could reached me, I'd reached my car and I had taken off. Hoping to avoid him for the next few day, luckily it was Friday, and I would just call sick, for my last hour.

* * *

**First Chapter ! let me know what you think... something to continue?**

**Love Philine **


	2. Among the Happy Crowd

_Autor's note: This is a very long chapter, and it's all about Leyton. next chapter, will be focusing on Naley a bit as well. My apollogies for the lot's of flaws in the first chapter, it was my first draft and i didn't read it through another time before adding the . the point of view switches quickly, espacially in the end. _

**Chapter 2. Among the happy Crowd**

"Mommy, how long?" Olivia whined, bouncing up and down in her seat on the plane. Flying from LA to North Carolina, with a three year old, not easy.

"Just a little while honey, just watch the movie okay." I told her tired by the whining during the flight. Mark was smiling at me, encouraging.

"It's going to be fine, Peyton. I'm sure." He said calmly. It was one of the reasons I love him so much, no matter what happened, when I freaked out, he was always the calm and reasonable in my life. It was a good thing since Olivia inherited my feeling for drama.

"I know, but you don't know my friends. I mean I know Brookes going to be, on her best behaviour, and I already know she likes you, it's just my other friends I'm worried about." One in particular. I hadn't spoken a lot of my Friends since High School, just Brooke. With her I stayed in touch, but I was deathly afraid of facing Lucas, my high school boyfriend. We broke up because it was better for the both of us to grow up to be able to date, if is was meant to be, we would be together. It wasn't, I fell in love with Mark.

I wondered if he had fallen in love too, or that I was still the one for him. The last thought scared me, because I didn't want to hurt him, but I was engaged and I had a daughter so, if he was still in love with me it would be inevitable.

"Why, I'm no monster, and they are your friends, why would you be scared." Mark asked, feeling there was more to it than just that what I had told him.

I looked at my daughter, she was finally asleep. I glanced into Marks eyes, and laid my head on his shoulder. "I'm scared to face Lucas." I admitted.

With my head on his shoulder I could feel his heart jump, now he was scared to. "Why" He asked brave.

I vaguely smiled and sighed. "We split up, because it was better for us, and if is was meant to be it would be." I started, not sure if it was the right place to start.

"I met you a few months after I left him and Tree Hill behind me. I'm scared that he hasn't moved on, as easily as I have, or not at all. I don't want to hurt him." I finally got it out of my mouth, hoping I didn't scare Mark.

He placed a kiss on my head. "It's okay, you have a big heart, you think of peoples feelings." He said.

I wouldn't disagree, but it wasn't just that. A part of me was scared he wouldn't give up on me that quick, and another part of me was scared, I still had feelings for him, even though I loved Mark a lot.

Lucas wouldn't give up that quick, he never did, not with Brooke then, and probably not with me now, I had to avoid him as much as possible.

* * *

I walked with a sleeping Olivia on my hip, over the airport, on our way to collect our luggage. "Honey, shall I take Liv, you seem tired." Mark said taking her over before I approved, I was tired, so I probably would was said yes anyway.

* * *

Julian called early this morning telling he was busy, but that Peyton would be arriving, In Charlotte this morning. If I wanted to pick her up.

Of course I would, so there I was standing at the airport. Looking for that same blonde girl that left me here, five years ago, and now she would finally return. I could practically, smell her as I was waiting at arrivals.

Lots of people came out, with luggage and family greeted them. Some going on holiday, some returning, some on business trips.

As the arrivals of Peyton's plane, neared to top of the arrivals board, I got more nervous. I got myself a coffee. To have something to do while I waited for her. When her plane reached the top of the board, I decided to get her some coffee too, as a warm welcome.

So, I waited, while minutes went by slowly, with her Mocha. I was practically shaking, as her arrival disappeared from the board.

Another ten minutes went by, and then the automatic doors opened again and there she was Peyton. At my first sight, she didn't have any luggage, and walked up to her and her face turned into a smile as she recognised me.

"Luke!" She squealed. She was as pretty as she'd always been, and she looked happy. We hugged, I could resisted and smelled her hair, it was familiar.

"God I missed you." I told her. I wish I didn't her face went pale, and she gulped. Then this guy and little girl walked up to us they had a luggage cart, and I recognised the red weekend bag, on it. My stomach turned, and I felt nauseous.

"Luke, this is my fiancé, Mark and our daughter Olivia." She told me proudly. Of every scenery I had in mind of what seeing Peyton again would be like, it never, not once occurred to me that she'd have a complete family.

"Hi, I'm Lucas nice to meet you." I said, trying not to be suspicious. I smiled and said hello to Olivia.

I handed her the coffee, and said: "I don't know why Julian sent me to pick you up, we're going to have a hard time, fit you all in my car."

* * *

I chuckled remembered that car, I'd been in it quite often. Mark seemed a little stressed hadn't seen him like that before. I walked next to him and putted my hand on his back. I could feel he was tense. He looked at me, and I smiled at him calmly.

"I love you." I whispered out of Lucas' earshot. He gave in and smiled. He place his arm around my shoulders, and pulled me closer to kiss me on my head.

"I love you too." He said, not out of Lucas' earshot. "Lucas looked back, to us. He was pushing our luggage cart where Olivia was sitting on, now wide awake.

I gave Mark a dirty look for letting him hear that, and turned to Olivia.

"Liv, honey." I said walking next to Lucas right behind the cart. "Yes mommy." She said cheerful.

Lucas chuckled. "Brooke is going to love her." He said. I smiled picked her up from the cart and said: "Brooke already loves you, right Honey. You always get the biggest birthday presents from aunt Brooke."

"Yes, me and aunt Brooke, is like, one mind, mommy always says." She chirped clapping her hands.

Lucas chuckled at the sight of my daughter, clapping her hands together. We walked into the parking garage, he paid and we walked to his car.

Mark had been quite silent, and I wondered if he was suddenly insecure about us.

We reached his car, and Lucas opened the trunk. "Nice ride." Mark said impressed. "Thanks, I was from my uncle, I got it when he died." Lucas told him.

"Keith." My mind went to the graveyard. "My mom." I said suddenly realising I hadn't been to her grave in five years. It made me feel guilty.

"Lucas noticed to look on my face and said: "She still there Peyton, your dad takes good care of your Moms grave."

I appreciate that he could still read me like that. He'd always been the one person who knew how I felt before I told him.

"Your dad going to be at the wedding Peyton?" Mark asked me and putted his arms around me. It felt good. "Yeah, I think Brooke invited him, he's more a father to her then her own father." I replied I little absently minded.

"Mark you go in the front, I'll sit in the back with Liv." I said to change to subject, of my youth in Tree Hill. I bothered me to talk about it in Lucas' presence, because I might bring up our history.

"Sure" He replied, probably happy that I wasn't sitting next to Lucas.

We packed the car got in and drove off to Tree hill. It was a long three hour drive to Tree Hill.

Lucas had clearly decided to lighten the mood, he started talking about the wedding and Brooke.

"Brooke, was delightful all week and yesterday her mother arrived and now she was annoyed and moody." Lucas informed us.

I chuckled. "Seriously Victoria has been driving her crazy, and Julian chore list has grown because she forbade her to do anything, other than the clothes." He told me, not Mark. He totally ignored Mark. That kind of annoyed me.

I rolled my eyes and said: "typical"

Liv had fallen asleep in my lap again, I rubbed her head and move her hair out of her face.

The conversation went on like that the whole three hours, along the side I filled Mark in on the different motions in town.

* * *

I was annoyed with Mark. Not because he was being possessive, but because he was with her, because she loved him, because he was handsome, and because he had a child with her.

She smiled, laughed and chuckled at the stories I told her from the past few years. I told her I caught Nathan and Haley making out in New York, and that that Haley and I worked at THHS.

She was cheerful, and she seemed happy, but I felt the severe need to be alone with her, to tell her how I felt. I was in love with her, I needed to tell her that, even though that wouldn't matter.

I drove up an unpavedroad, into the forest, after about a mile or two the road led to a open spot. As I turned up another road, we were now standing in front of an huge iron gate. Peyton and Mark looked surprised at me when I got out the car and walked to the gate.

I walked to the gate and talked into the intercom like I'd done it a million times. There was a quick replied by Julian and the gate opened. I got back in the car and ignored the looks from both of them. I wasn't sure who's look I was avoiding more. The one of the man, that lay in bed with Peyton every night, or Peytons eyes.

I drove my car up to the ranch, and pulled over. "This is it." I told them. Peyton looked out the window, impressed and said: "Wow, it's really… Brooke." And Mark added, my blood boiling every time he did that, "Yeah, it's really Brooke." As if he knew Brooke.

He'd probably met Brooke two or three times, how could her know her. I took a deep breath, and got out the car. I let Peyton out before Mark could. She thanked me and smiled.

Brooke came running from the house and flew Peyton round her neck. "Peyton!" She yelled. I chuckled.

Julian followed her. He nodded towards me. "Thanks for picking them up, I really didn't know who else to ask." He said, ignoring Mark. Peyton had taken Olivia from the car and she bounced her on her hip, while Brooke tried to take her from Peyton.

"Let me show you guys your room." Brooke said cheerful. "By the way, look out for my mother." She added rolling her eyes.

Peyton chuckled. "Nothing ever changes here."

I sighed as Brooke jumped Mark on his neck, her way of saying hello. I agreed, nothing changes _here,_ LA on the other hand, a lot changed, and not for the better.

I got their suitcases from my car and carried them inside. I felt kind of like the piccolo, and it wasn't really the way to win, his girl.

But I waited I patiently waited for my chance to talk to her alone.

* * *

I was unhealthily happy about being back in Tree Hill and seeing Brooke. She showed us our room, it was quite big and it had a nice big bed in it, unfortunately that fun was spoiled by the single bad in the corner of the room, meant for Olivia.

"Brooke, thank you. It's beautiful." I told her when I thank her for the room.

"You're welcome, and wait until you see you dress." She squealed of joy.

Julian had taken the suitcases upstairs although, I didn't noticed him taking them from the car, Lucas probably did.

Mark and Olivia stayed in our bedroom with Julian who helped them unpack, and to talk, you know guy style.

As we had left the room and headed for the dressing room, Brooke spun around and said: "I sorry, Julian got Lucas to pick you up."

I looked at her, I had no idea what she was talking about. "Lucas, was suppose to stay away from you during the whole event." Brooke clarified herself.

"Why?" I asked her offended, because Brooke clearly doubted it.

"Honey, I know you're engaged an all, but Lucas hasn't…." She was clearly choosing her words carefully. "..dated anyone since you guys spit up, it's been pretty hard on him, ask Haley."

"Haley?" I asked. Haley had never been a part of our group, Haley always stayed on the outside of the drama, from our clique.

"Yeah, Haley and I are really good friends, she's here." Brooke said entering the dressing room.

"Look Hales, see who I found!" Brooke said cheerful. "Hey Peyton!" Haley said.

"Wow, Hales, you sure have changed." I said. Haley was totally different that I remembered.

"Yeah, people keep saying that." Haley said smiling, she swirled around in her bridesmaids dress.

Haley looked at me like she wanted to tell me something. Brooke closed the doors and sat down. "Time for girl talk." She announced.

I sat down and so did Haley. "I know you both don't want to talk about, but you both have a Scott problem." Brooke said.

I looked at Haley and Haley at me. We sighed: "Brooke"

"What I'm not letting you and your Scotts, ruin my wedding." She said bloody serious.

"Brooke, I don't have a Scott, problem, I'm engaged!" I told her, but I knew she was getting at.

"And for the record, Nathan and I, is not a problem. Because there is not Nathan and I" Haley added.

Brooke seemed angry. "You guys listen, Lucas is still in love with you, he didn't know you had an fiancé and child." Brooke started. Haley spun around "You have a child!" She said.

I nodded "Yah, Liv."

"So!" Brooke continued. "He is going to make a move on you, he loves you!" I turned my eyes down. I knew she was probably right, but I loved Mark so I was just going to avoid Lucas, at was my previous plan, before he showed up at the airport.

"Haley, Nathan isn't going to let you walk." Brooke sounded like she was on a mission. "He's going to make his move on you." Haley chuckled "He can try." She seemed amused. I was amusing, the great Nathan Scott is crushing on tutor girl.

Brooke rolled her eyes. "fine, but don't say I didn't warn you!" she said walking out of the dressing room.

Haley and I looked at each other and chuckled. "Come, I'll introduce you to Mark and Olivia." I told her and she followed me back to the bedroom.

"Mark, honey, this is Haley, Haley, Mark" I introduced them. "Hi nice to meet you." Mark said. Haley smile. "Like wise."

* * *

I had returned to my bedroom. We all stayed at the ranch during the days around the wedding, which meant two things. Running into Peyton was easy, but having her alone was totally different.

I collapsed on my bed, wanting to cry. Five years I'd waited to see her again. Then I finally see her and she is engaged and has a daughter. How was that fair? Or was I just lunatic, for waiting, for not moving on. Probably the last.

He could hear everyone gather up downstairs, they we're heading for the garden, where they took a seat on the patio.

From my window I could see the patio, my eyes searched automatically for the one girl, but my eyes didn't seem to find her. She wasn't there. Mark was there Olivia was there, Brooke Julian, Haley too. Nathan just walked up the patio and Brooke jumped on his neck like she did with all her male guests.

Suddenly I heard a knock on my door…

* * *

I had already stepped of my avoid strategy again. Because I was knocking on his bedroom door. Why was I doing this, it was engagement suicide. I wanted to leave already, but it was to late his face appeared from the other side of the door. "Hi" I said. Why Hi, couldn't I have come up with something I little bit more…..sorry let me rephrase a little less horny.

"Hey, what are you doing here." He said letting me in. Why was he letting me in. right, focus, he was the one wanting me, no better place to have me, than a bedroom.

"I need to talk to you." I said, because anything else would have led immediately to something, deathly.

"Okay" He replied closing the door behind me. "What's the matter." He asked.

Right like he didn't know that, but then I was the one "needing to talk" air quoting me own thoughts.

"I'm sorry, to ambush you like that at the airport, I should have told you a long time ago." I said, not knowing where to begin.

"Peyton, it's okay it's not like you just pick up the phone and say "hi Luke, haven't seen you in three years, but I had the need to tell you I'm engaged and have a daughter, bye" you don't do that, so since in didn't call, something I probably should have, you had no reason to tell me." He spoke calmly, and hoarsely.

Why was he so calm?

* * *

I was boiling inside, she made me mad, every time I was in one room with her I went crazy. Out of Love and partially because she turned me on, by just being in the same room.

I bit my lip, hoping she wouldn't notice that the calm voice talking to her, was very forced. "Peyton it's really okay, go to your family." I told her, while I wanted nothing more than her to stay and to kiss me.

"Luke I'm sorry, didn't got the chance to tell you at the airport, but.." She was silent. The only reason for her not to say it at the airport was that Mark was there. She took a deep breath. "But,…. I missed you too Luke."

That's all, she missed me? I mean I was happy that she missed me, but I'm sure Mark wouldn't mind her missing me.

"I missed you too." I told her by lack of better. She stepped toward me and pulled me into a hug.

* * *

Why? I was out of things to say and he was so calm, I was positive about him jumping on me when we were alone. It confused me and why did I even want him to jump me. I didn't want him to jump me. I was engaged.

And he missed me too? I mean he told me that already! I'm was regretting that I ever decided to go talk to him.

He smiled, waiting for me to do something, I realised I'd been standing here for about a minute without saying a word. He kept smiling. God he had a pretty smile. Well handsome smile, but it would be inappropriate to tell him that.

He chuckled. Why was the laughing at me?

* * *

I chuckled at her panicked face, the ball was in her court, but she was standing there probably looking for a way out. She was so pretty, with the sun in her face. I decided I would get what I wanted for a bit and give her a reason to leave without having to say anything to me.

I stepped toward her, still smile, because her face looked even more panicked now. I brought my hands to her face. I could feel her heart pounding. I moved closer to her. Her eyes wide open, she had beautiful eyes.

* * *

What the heck was the moron doing! I was practically screaming in my own head. His warm hands on my face, so close. He was so close I could smell him. Bad sign, very bad sign, I swallowed the lump in my throat, to say something, but I just stood there frozen. He kept smile, I wanted to run I wanted to slap the grin of his face I wanted… No I didn't I didn't want to kiss him, but if I didn't do something he would kiss me. I wasn't sure in I could resist, when he was kissing me, so I had to do something!

He just brought his face even closer to my face, I could feel his breath on my face. Then his lips touched mine, I felt like I was going to fall of my feet.

His lips were warm and gentle with mine. I closed my eyes and then where I was afraid of happened, I enjoyed it. I felt so good. His hands sank to my waist and my mouth opened. I felt numb. All the screaming in my head disappeared. I felt his tongue in my mouth, still very gentle. I placed my arms around his neck. The numbness, kept me from, thinking it was wrong to enjoy it. I kept me from thinking at all.

I moaned in pleasure. I was so good, for just a little while in was eighteen again, not engaged not a mother. Lucas moved his hands up my back, but on the wrong side of my clothing. This broke through my numbness and all the screaming came back, but still I wasn't doing anything. I wasn't pushing him away, I wasn't stopping him. I let him touch me, I let him open the clasp of my bra. At his point I should be yelling at him. Instead of taking my shirt off.

Why was I taking my shirt off. He pulled the last of it over my head and threw it behind him, going back to kissing me.

We stumbled to the bed. My bra was already unhooked and he pulled it from my body and threw me on the bed. Taking a break from the kissing, I shouldn't have done something I was lying on his bed topless, watching him close the one window that was open, and locking the door, pulling his shirt over his head, tossing it in the same direction as mine had gone.

* * *

Why wasn't she stopping me, I never meant to pursue her to sex. She was meant to slap me, and then take off.

Why was she doing this? Was she unhappy? She seemed happy. I couldn't make sense of it.

She was lying on my bed topless, after five years. I moved back to the bed. I never meant the pursue her to sex, but I was all I wanted right now.

"Peyton" I said, straddling her. I could see she was, filled with confusion, I hoped not to stop her, but on the other hand I wouldn't want her to hate me, afterwards.

"Yeah" She replied still out of breath. I decided I wanted her to like me more that I wanted to have sex with her.

"I love you." I told her, I leaned forward to kiss her. She didn't say anything. "I love you Peyton, I've waited for you five years." I said hoping to provoke her.

"I love you too, but I can't" She replied. It wasn't what I expected, not at all.

I ran my hands up the torso, to her breasts. I massaged her nipples and kissed her. She didn't do anything a first, she didn't stop me.

* * *

Why was I still here. My nipples hardened, as he ran his hand up my chest. He massaged my nipples. It watched myself in disbelief as my hands reached down for his pants.

I unbuttoned his pants and pushed Lucas off of me, but instead of walking away I straddled him. I unzipped the his pants, and he opened mine. I pulled his pants off and dropped my own to my ankles. I stepped out of them. Lucas sat up. I didn't feel numb at all. I was thinking clear. I wanted this for so long, even though it was wrong, just this once.

I was standing in front of him. I noticed he was naked. His boxers were nowhere in sight. I was naked too, except for my panties.

He slid his hands into my panties and his cock erected. Pulling me back onto him, he seemed to enjoy it now.

First he wasn't sure, but now he was. It was like he had been waiting for me to give him green light.

Suddenly he pulled down my panties and tackled me onto the bed. He straddled me. I could feel his cock, between my legs. He kissed me passionately, I kissed him back wanting more.

"I wanted to taste you" He said, starting to kiss my neck my breasts, my tummy, till I felt his tongue slid through my pussy. I moaned in pleasure. He stopped at the remark that in tasted so good. It went all very fast and he buried his cock, deep inside of me, so all I could do was moan.

* * *

God I missed her. Thrusting in and out, kissing her. It was all I dreamed of for the past five years. She still loved me. Things might have been I little more complicated, be she wanted me.

It was so good.

I could feel her cum all over me.

* * *

I felt him cum in me, it felt good, but I felt never worse. the ugly truth, became clearer and clearer. I cheated on Mark. It was all I was afraid of, and it happened. I felt the tears in my eyes, and he pulled his cock out of me.

He saw my tears. And shushed me. Saying it was okay, rocking my now rolled up, naked body. I was disgust by my actions. I didn't understand why only now, while a moment ago it was all I wanted.

And jumped up from the kisses he placed on my forehead and started collecting my clothes. I ran out of the room without putting them on and ran back to my own room, to the shower. As the hot water ran over my body. I could think clear and that didn't make me happy. I preferred the numbness.

* * *

This was Chapter 2! Let me know what you think. and should Larry, like Mark or should her be voting for Lucas?

Love Philine


	3. Regret is My Daily Partner

_Autor's Note: I didn't get much feetback last time, so It took awhile to update, i figure it was summer an you weren't all behinf at computer reading or writing anyway. I've been using time to be useful and read Twilight Saga, (i think i mentionedthat before) i'm finished! and now I can started Over! anyway I'm going to France in two days so i thought i'd update. ( i got some other story, already finished 10 chapters, about Leyton, if anyone intrested let me know then i'll put it up as well)_**

* * *

**

**Chapter 3. Regret is my daily partner.**

**T**hat night I couldn't sleep. Knowing everything that happened since she knocked on Lucas' door, and a trail of mistakes. The knock, the talk, the kiss, the sex. Everything made me wanted to cry. I had returned to the original plan, again. I'd avoided Lucas the rest of the day.

I wanted to tell Mark, how sorry I was, but there for I had to tell him what happened. I just wanted him to hold me, and tell me he forgave me, and preferably hit Lucas.

I Mark knew he probably would, but it wasn't Lucas' fault. As I thought back of what happened that afternoon, I realised Lucas wanted it, but never wanted me, to not be fully behind it. He stopped multiple times, hoping I was realising what I was doing. He tried to wake me by telling me that he loved her and wanted to be with me. Although I wasn't sure he'd said that last thing.

Anyway, it wasn't his fault. I was my fault, and that was the only reason I wasn't planning on telling Mark. Because he had no good reason to forgive me. I cheated, it was what I wanted in that moment.

He could either live with that or her couldn't. The couldn't, scared me. I loved Mark, I loved Olivia, I would be lost without them. Mark would take Olivia from me for sure. So I either run with Olivia from him, or didn't tell him. Since I was madly in love with him, I wasn't saying anything.

The only problem with that was, that Lucas had to keep his mouth shut too. It was the way to separate Mark and me.

I kept twirling around, after an hour of twirling and turning, it woke Mark. "Hey Babe, why aren't you sleeping, what's wrong." He asked. He knew me to good. I always twirled around in bed when something was wrong.

"I love you." I said hoping to distract him. "Peyton? What's wrong, I'm not that easily distracted." He whispered smirking, I think he thought the attempt was sweet, but naïve.

"I feel guilty." I blurted out. I sighed, damn it why? Did I want Mark to leave me? Why was I being such a god damn masochist.

"About what babe?" He asked me, still whispering. I loved it when he called be babe, it was sweet, and made me feel like his girl.

I sighed and figured I'd lie and make it less than it was. "I kissed Lucas." I whispered, turning around, my back facing Mark. I heard with sigh, I felt the tears swell up in my eyes, aching for his arms around me. Nothing. I heard him fall back on the bed. I felt him pulling the covers over his shoulder. When I turned around I saw that we went back sleeping again. The tears rolled over my cheeks. I didn't want to sob, I didn't want him to feel sorry, for his behaviour, he had all the right to be angry.

I did. I did sob, and after one others followed. I couldn't help myself, regretted what happened so badly. I heard Mark snoring lightly. I loved the sound. It meant he was sleeping, and that he didn't hear me sob. That was a good thing I decided. I slid out of bed and headed for the bathroom. My eyes felt heavy. I sat on the cold bathroom floor. Crying.

I heard the door open, hoping it was Mark and looked at the door. It was Brooke. "Hey P. Sawyer. What's wrong?" She asked worried. "you were right." I sobbed. I couldn't hide anything from Brooke. "about what honey?"

"I slept with Lucas." I whispered, and started to cry again. Brooke wanted to slap me I knew it, but instead she pulled me closed and calmed me. "Why, Peyton?" She whispered. "You told Mark?"

"I don't know why, because in that moment it was what we wanted?" I sobbed. "I told Mark, I kissed him, that he didn't take it well, I can't tell him Brooke, he'll leave me, and he'll take Olivia. He can't take her, she's my everything." I told her I started to panic as I said the words out loud.

"Sssh Peyton, I won't tell him. I'm sure Lucas won't tell him. And a kiss he'll get over." Brooke told me. "Now go back to bed, and if you do decided to tell him everything, please to it after my wedding" Brooke said.

I chuckled. "Of course Brooke don't worry, you're going to have a beautiful wedding." I told her. "So are you P. Sawyer." She said helping me stand up, she walked me back to my room. "good night." She whispered. "thanks B. Davis, soon to be Baker." I said and smiled.

I crawled back in bed. Mark was still sleeping. I peeked on the clock on my bedside table. I was 4.30am. I hoped to get some sleep, I wanted to look good on Brookes wedding, not I hadn't slept all night. I sighed rolled to my side and closed my eyes.

Did I want Lucas? Was I lying to myself, saying that I loved Mark, and wanted to marry him. If he would forgave, hypothetically, because we already ruled that chance out. He would probably want to marry right away. Keep the wedding small just, us Olivia, and his best man, my maid of honour. I had to be sure whether that was what I wanted, I slightest doubt about it, and he would be gone.

Anyway, that chance I had already ruled out, if I told him he would be gone, that was the deal. Sounded to simple, too clear, too easy. It was suppose to hurt, but I felt numb again. My change of mood, from clear the numb, should scare me, but it only noticed it when I was numb, too numb to care.

* * *

The sun shone over the garden as I looked out the window, my bedroom was on the west, I had the sun set, pretty picture.

I closed my eyes in regret, I loved Peyton. She loved me. I know she did. She told me, but then she cried and ran out on me. So how much was that worth?

I know I made her feel bad and that that was my fault, partially, but that was no reason to ignore me like she did, the rest of the day. She was just as wrong as me. It was 7.30 am. On the patio a maid was setting the table for breakfast.

Suddenly there was I quick patting on my door. I reminded me of yesterday, when Peyton came by. I wasn't Peyton, I was quite sure of that unless she changed her mind, again.

I opened the door and before I could se who was standing there and hand hit my face, it burned. "you're an Ass! And I you weren't Julian best man, I would throw you out right now!" Brooke yelled she stormed into my room, slamming the door shut behind her.

"Why, Lucas! You Promised me, you promised you wouldn't do anything to Peyton!" Brooke yelled. I sighed, I did promise that, but only because I thought she was single, and she would want to same thing from me, so what Brooke wanted didn't matter, I just said Yes to please her.

"Sorry, but she wanted it as much as I wanted it." I said, keeping my voice low. Peyton and Mark were in the next room, and I didn't wanted to tip him off.

"Not the point! You broke your promise!" Brooke said lowering, noticing the reason for my low voice. "I never planned of keeping that promise" I told her, like that was a good excuse. She didn't think so and her hand reached my cheek again. "Ouch Brooke!" I shouted. "I deserved that!" She said and walked out slamming the door shut again.

"You welcome." I yelled after her. I was looking forward to this wedding, the ceremony was tonight, at sun set.

I would just act like nothing happened, talk to Peyton like I always did, pretend it never happened. That couldn't be hard. I pulled a pair of pants from my suitcase and pulled a shirt over my head. I zipped up my pants and opened the window. Fresh air greeted me, and I took a deep breath.

It was warm outside, but in the shadow it was comfortable. I left my room and was greeted my a little girl in a white summer dress. "Good morning sunshine." I greeted her. "Hi!" Olivia chirped. I chuckled he seemed more like a child of Brooke and from Peyton, except for the blonde curls.

She had deep chocolate brown eyes, and pair she probably got from her father, since her mothers eyes were green. Her slightly tanned face with chocolate brown eyes, and blonde curls made her an extraordinary kind to see.

"you're excited about the wedding, gorgeous?" I asked her. Her face lit up and her eyes sparkled, "yes!" She squealed. "Good." I said and she skipped on, she headed downstairs As I stood up, because in kneeled to talk to her, a fist came at my face. It was a bad day for my face! Being here was suppose to be vacation, but clearly not for my face. It knocked me out. "I heard a yell, and Peyton scream "Mark!", before I passed out, I didn't hear him reply. "Peyton clearly told him something, if she told him everything, I would probably not be alive right now.

An minute or what later, I regained consciousness. "Luke are you okay." I wasn't Peyton, she wouldn't dare. No I had I hard time connecting the voice to an face and a name. My head hurt. I heard Olivia "Mommy what's wrong with Lukie." So Peyton was there and Oliva, hadn't seen her father hit me. Me neither, I just assumed, it was him, because Peyton yelled his name before I passed out. "I don't know honey." It was Peyton, I could hear the lie in her voice. The first voice I heard, became clearer. It was Haley, my head was in her lap.

"I'm fine" I tried to squeeze out, but I was hardly understandable. "Luke?" Haley asked again. I tried to lift my head, but she wouldn't let me. "I'm fine" I groaned, now clearly audible.

"Are you sure Luke?" She asked, I still hadn't opened my eyes. "Yeah, Brookes slapping prepared my face." My voice was filled with sarcasm. "Well, and least he didn't beat the fun out of you." She commented. I heard Peyton sigh. She sounded worried and hurt. "You was beaten?" I heard Olivia ask in disbelief. I slowly opened my eyes. Besides the aching pain around my cheekbones, it didn't hurt.

I smiled at the face of the little girl. "Honey, go down stair to your father." I heard Peyton say. I sat up. "Take your own advise Peyton." I said and stood up walked back to my room. I shut the door and left even Haley outside. This wedding sucked, even more that I thought this morning.

* * *

"Mark!" I yelled as I paced through the back yard. "Why did you do that!"

"Am I suppose, to let him just kiss you, and then let him make small talk with my daughter!" He said, as if the rolls were turned and he did something I should be up set over. I was upset over it.

"Yes! What happened was as much my fault as it was his!" I yelled. Mark grabbed my wrist. "You want me to hit you too?" My eyes locked on his, horror was screened in my eyes.

"No, I want you to understand, I want to forgive me, and I want you tell me, it's okay, and that you'll leave, Lucas alone." I said sounding more upset than I was. I had the power of drama on my side.

I flat hand slapped the surface of my cheek, and flinched at my pain. The drama didn't help enough. "Okay?" He roared. "You think I should think it's OKAY?" I'd never seen him like this. The tears in my eyes were real and so was the pain in heart. I was disappointed over his response, and never so happy, that I didn't tell him the whole truth.

I dropped myself at the ground. I tried to ignore his roaring voice, as he kept yelling on me. I felt Brookes worried eyes in my back. She was watching so she could intervene when things got out of hand. I said nothing. The slap made me angry, and sulky. I was angry with him. I wanted to hit him, to let him feel how he made me feel, I just wanted to hit him really hard, and I wanted to keep hitting him, the tears streamed down my face, I didn't bother to wipe them away.

After about ten minutes, him calmed. I hadn't heard a word of what he'd said. He sat down next to me. "I'm sorry, about the slap, you didn't deserve that." He said hoarsely. He gave me a tissue, I didn't take it. He so the tissue and wiped my tears himself. I didn't said a word.

"Why did you hit me?" I asked after and long silence. "I lost my temper." He said. That wasn't a good excuse. " So every time you're going to lose that temper you're going to hit me." I felt the anger inside me was building up. "Of course not." He said with a calm voice. That voice of reason, I'd known for so long. He turned his arms around me. I laid my head on his shoulder. "I love you Peyton. I don't want to lose you. I just want to know what's going on in your pretty head." His voice entered my ear.

The words were followed by a kiss on my head.

It felt so good, I couldn't be angry anymore, but it also gave me the urge to tell him everything, to get it over with.

I suppressed the urge, to tell him. I know that I wouldn't survive that. Olivia walked up the us. I smiled. "Hey Honey, come here." I said feeling saver with her around, then he wouldn't hurt me. Then it hit me that I was scared of the man I was going to marry. His response had made me scared of the man I loved.

I took Olivia on my lap, with a shaking voice I said: "I want to you go home." Not looking up a him, but I could feel his angry eyes gaze at me.

"Why?" He tried to stay calm but that same anger reached his voice again. "Because I can't do this right now, I need some space, and since Olivia and I can't leave, because of the wedding, you have to go home." I whispered.

I could feel him getting angry. I low patient voice he said: " And you are going to stay here, at the ranch with Lucas." – "No, with Olivia." I was short, it was such a disgusting comment, that I didn't want to waste any words.

"Fine" He said he got up and headed back the house. Olivia looked confused. "Why is Daddy angry?" She asked. "Because mommy made him leave the wedding, and daddy loves weddings." I replied, by lack of a truth I understood.

* * *

I got back from the kitchen with an ice pack for Lucas' face. "Here, idiot" I said, Brooke told me what happened. "Gee thank for the support Hales." He mocked.

"You're welcome, Lucas I warned you about this! Why?" I couldn't understand who would come up with sleeping with anyone who had I engagement ring on it's finger.

"This is more her fault them mine" He muttered. He clearly had enough of all the blame on him. I could imagine that. "Leave me alone" He was sulky. He was lying on his bed, he didn't want to talk. I didn't blame him, not really.

I left his room to give him the space to be sulky. I was his best friend, I wasn't allowed to judge him right now. I sighed I felt bad for him. Peyton meant so much to him and now she would never be his again. On my way to my own bedroom ¬ I had a desperate need for some peace and quiet ¬ I was almost ran over my Mark, who ran in fury to his bedroom.

I opened the door and locked myself in with my copy of New Moon ¬ I had finished Twilight last night, I was reading till 1.38 Am¬ I was already halfway through the book already, I simply could stop reading.

My thoughts deep in the moment Bella realized Alice was in her house, when I knock on my door startled me. "Crap" I was slightly shocked. I threw my bookmarker between the pages and shut the book. I jumped up from my bed and opened the door. The door opened I noticed myself feeling similar, to Bella whenever she saw Edward, which was wrong since it was Nathan knocking on my door.

"Hi" I said. Plain, and very short, "Hi". Sigh why did I felt this way. I still had a hard time remembering that seemed to have become attractive, over the last five years.

"Hey, can I come in?" He asked, he seemed shy! Nathan Scott- SHY? He had been to overly confident in New York.

"_You_ wanted to come into _my_ bedroom." I asked stunned, and with the slightest bit of sarcasm in my voice.

"Yeah?" He asked more than that he said. "No way Mister! Every your not-so-subtle action last Spring, I don't take chances like that." I told him.

And as expected, his cocky grin was joining our conversation. "Well, we could discuss this in my bedroom, but I'm not sure that would make you happy?" He said grinning.

Sigh Sigh Sigh!

"How about the yard?" I said not wanting to invited him to more obscene action, or my scattered room. "I don't think you want to have this conversation anywhere, but private." He said still smirking. I rolled my eyes, and said: "One minute." And then closed the door.

I chased through my room, picked up al the clothes I fit yesterday, before his arrival, and this morning. I threw them all back in my suitcase and closed it.

I made my bed, It was only partially made. I straightened my clothes, took a last look in the mirror and opened the door again. "Hi" He said, still smiling. I started wondering if he thought this was funny. I sure didn't, I'd turned down a _hot_ date for the wedding, because I couldn't get him out of my head it was rather pathetic! Like he really wanted me, tutor girl. They had always made fun of me in high school, he was just playing me, pursuing me probably for sex.

"Hi, come in" I sighed, trying to be obvious so he knew for sure that I wasn't up for this conversation. I stepped away to let him in and pointed him the chair in the corner to keep him away from me and my bed.

I closed the door. "So what do you want?" I asked annoyed and flopped onto my bed. "You" He said. _That was kind of obvious thing I should have seen that one coming! _My mind was telling me to kick him out, but my accelerating heartbeat, kept me from doing it.

I just said nothing. "Haley, I know you think otherwise, Lucas told me, but I'm not just playing you. I like you" He told me. He sounded sincere.

Shoot! What was I gong to do now! I really couldn't fool myself with the he-just-likes-to-chase-me excuse. I could see in his eyes that he meant it and that my silence made even the great Nathan Scott insecure.

=0=

Why wasn't she saying anything. I told her I liked her! Her! I could have known, falling for a virgin would be hard. She didn't know I knew about the virgin part. She rather didn't tell anyone, because it wasn't by choice. Lucas told me.

She mumbled a few words, it sounded like the terror/ horror "That's nice" Why did girls do that, say I like/ love you too or say nothing, but "that's nice" that was simply downright humiliating.

And…. She could read the humiliation of my face, she was smirking. damn! she looked sexy like that.

"You think it's funny?" I said, trying to take this humiliation lightly. "Yah, Nathan Scott, aches for girl he can't get." She said like she could see the tabloid headlines.

"Can't I?" I asked playful. "I told you once, New York was a mistake." She said. Ouch! But still I didn't flinch, I tried to keep my face steady, so she wouldn't see how much that assumption hurt me.

I didn't succeed, her grin dropped, her eyes lost their sparkle. "Great job hiding your feelings" I told myself. "Sorry" She said. " I you don't feel that way, but that's just how I feel" She told me.

=0=

He wanted me, and all I wanted was to jump on him like in New York, but instead I was telling him that I didn't want him. No wonder men always think the female mind is so confusing. It was confusing!

I thought of a way to make him see that I did wanted him, short of throwing myself at him. "You think about New York a lot?" I asked him, feeling guilty for my rude heart-breaking decline.

"Yah, I live there you know" He'd ready picked up on the cocky grin. Fine is he wanted to play thing that way fine! "So, you're done, then you can leave." I told him.

"Sorry, but you kind of hurt my ego you know." He said still full of himself. "I know"

"I Do, everyday." He said. Okay, it could have been a little less on the sad-guilt-feelings-tricking-puppy-whine.

"That's too bad, I forgot about it, till Lucas started mentioning it when Brookes wedding approached." I couldn't tell him the truth, I just wanted him to leave, before I'd throw myself at him, regardless.

"I'd like you to leave." I said with an icy voice. I had a good example. Victoria. Who by the way reminded me of Victoria in Twilight. I was suddenly thinking in Twilight._ (I recall Brooke saying to Sam in 6.22? "Sam do I need to buy you a garlic necklace?" So not a coincidence) _

"Okay" Nathan said and then barged out without a word. "Had I hurt his feelings or was that what he wanted me to think? Why would any man want a girl to think she'd hurt him men don't like being vulnerable.

He closed the door behind him. I picked up my book. "So why would Alice be back?"

* * *

Mark had left. Lucas was angry. Brooke was crabby. Victoria blamed me for all the trouble. Haley had disappeared. Nathan was sulky. Julian seemed to understand. And Olivia wouldn't stop crying.

"I suck" I said and flopped on Brookes bed. "True but why this time." She replied nonchalant, she wasn't mad at me.

"For ruining your wedding" I told her. I felt guilty for al the drama I'd caused. Mark had left with lots of profanities. I scared me, because I didn't know him that way.

"I should have told him everything, given him back to ring, and hire a good lawyer to keep Olvia." I said.

Brooke chuckled. "Probably, but then Lucas would get his way. You love Mark, Mark loves you. I say don't tell him, go back to LA after the wedding and never speak of Lucas again." Brook said while she paced up and down in front of the mirror, looking at the hair and make-up.

"Great, that sounds like I should just pretend I didn't tell Lucas that I love him and just pretend he doesn't exist." Brooke face was stunned. Damn it I don't think I told her about the I-love-you.

"You told him WHAT?" She shrieked.

I flashed a humourless apologising smile. "Sorry"

"No Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer, Too easy. You are getting married in two months and you told your ex boyfriend that you love him!" Brooke yelled at me. I was sure she was going to kill me herself.

"Do you want to die? Are you completely out of your mind!" Brooke if I were, making any sense in that moment I wouldn't have slept him him, let alone tell him I love him." I told her.

"It's not that you told him, not that that isn't bad because the "is there anyone who think these two should not the connected in holy matrimony" Moment will be used by Lucas usefully. It's that it is true! You're not suppose to love him that way anymore." Brooke told me, I know she was right. I know I shouldn't marry Mark until I was positive about my feelings.

"You really love him." She asked me when the looked on my face appeared sad to her. "I Truly do not know for sure. If I did I would tell Brooke but…" I trailed off. Brooke sighed she looked pitiful. "But you don't know." She said.

"What about Mark, do you know that for sure?" She asked like I should have been. I had always been, but when she asked me, I was suddenly not sure anymore.

"Peyton! You are engaged to the man, how could you doubt your love for him!" Brooke yelled at me. My thoughts passed in a blur. I was confused.

"The same way I could doubt my feelings when I enjoyed the feeling of him inside of me!" I shouted and took off. I was ashamed of myself. I needed comfort. My instincts told me, to go to Lucas. My mind told me to call Mark.

The reality: I wasn't comforted. I was conflicted and Alone until I would solve this problem.

Lucas VS Mark. Let the game Begin.

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**Thank you ! Yes people yes, i love you all! Pleaaaaase! review, just tell me how much you loved it. And maybe what should happen. eve this One more chapter and than we jump a couple of years. **

**Love Philine **


	4. Wedding Bells and Together for Eternity

_autor's note,: Sorry for the long update. I've been on vacation! too france! Lovely Okay, this chapter, is the Wedding and the ending from the wedding weekend, PLEASE let me know hat you think of the story, direction, it's looks like a ten chapter story but i'm not sure, depends on how the story develops, for me. please review!_

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**Chapter 4 Wedding Bells and Together for Eternity**

"Brooke you look beautiful" I gasped a I entered the dressing room. The same room where Brooke had ambushed me and Haley about the Scott boys. I was light and quite big. Brooke walked show rounds in front of the big mirror. She seemed please with the result of months of hard work.

"I know" She replied cheerful like she'd already forgotten our conversation of this morning. "I know you do, and I also know you love hearing it, because I know you B. Davis. I smiled. I did know her, she had been my friend since kindergarten. "You dress is over there" she chirped pointing out the dress on the screen, I the corner of the room.

I skipped to the dress, and picked it up. I showed it to Olivia as she skipped around the room. She loved playing dress-up, all the clothes and jewellery were very impressive to her. "what do you think Liv, would this look god on mommy?" I asked her. Not that my two year old would know…

"I loves dess, mommy!" she gurgled. "Hey, Brooke you got one for your flower girl too?" I asked Brooke, who was already totally preoccupied with her own dress. "Sure it's over there." She replied absentee.

I picked up the dress, Olivia was thrilled about it. I was too, but thee was too much going on to be thrilled about anything. All thought I tried to because being sulky or absentee minded on my best friends wedding, wasn't something I was going to forgive myself if it ruined her day.

I changed and helped Olivia change. Olivia jumped around the room, pretending to be a prices. I just waited till Brooke was ready. The guests arrived, all the other guests, those who weren't close friends, or family. Julians family didn't stay at all, they just came to the ceremony and then had to carry on. I felt bad for him, but marring Brooke would change that. Brooke always surrounded herself with friends.

I went outside with Haley welcoming friends and family. My dad would be here any minute and he had missed Olivia so much, I knew that much. I had begged Lucas and Haley to steer clear of the Mark subject avoid, and if not possible, fake cough yourself out of the talk. That was my plan al tough he knew me too well, to be taken off the subject like that.

"How are you holding up." Haley asked as soon as Olivia was out playing around, with the warning for her dress. (Karen would keep an eye on her) "Okay, as long as I can avoid the subject in conversation with my father." I told her. I was a lie, I was a bad liar so Haley said: "You know you're a bad liar right." She smiled sympathetically.

"Yeah, I'm aware of that, but I'm giving it a shot, I don't want the ruin this day for Brooke, it means a lot to her, it should at least." I said. I wondered if Larry, preferred Lucas of Mark, since I had to come to him in Florida last year and Mark was too busy to come with me. My dad was pretty upset about it and I wondered, if it had mattered in his opinion on who I should spent my life with.

"So you're just going to lie all day when people asked how you are?" Haley said, she was right to be sceptical about this plan, since a bad lie, asked for more explanation.

"Probably, people rather drop the subject when it's not happy."I said, this wasn't true in Tree Hill.

"Why would you even lie, is you life that bad?" I heard a warm familiar voice behind me. I smiled, al thought I had to explain, but I was just so happy he might forget.

"Dad!" I spun around and hugged him. "Ahh, my daughter, I missed you where's my granddaughter?" He said. I was happy I had missed my father and desperately needed him right now.

"She's in the yard with Lily" I said. He smiled and hugged me again. He greeted Haley and then we headed for the yard. "So is your life really that miserable?" He asked. Of course he wouldn't be my father if he didn't doubt every single bit of my happiness.

"It's not that bad, I had a fight with Mark, and just came to the wedding alone." I lied. I couldn't find a less suspicious way of explaining Marks absence. "oh, again" he muttered. "Dad" I warned him not to be all judging. "I know honey, but I'm starting to doubt whether you should marry him." He said, "everything I get a call, you too are fighting."

I sighed my fault I should stop calling my father when I was upset with Mark. "that just because I only call when I had I fight, it's also the reason I don't call very often." I said "Liv!"

Olivia ran back and embraced Larry's leg. "ganpa!" she gurgled. She had trouble with the R.

"hey isn't that the most beautiful girl in the world. "No booke is!" Brooke of course Brooke told my daughter she was more beautiful, Brooke could be such a child.

"Is everything okay, Liv?" He asked her. Sure of course he would doubt my answers after what he heard, but checking it by my two year old daughter! "dad!" I interrupted him. Of all people told to shut up about it, I simply forgot my own daughter.

"What?"

"you don't believe me do you?" I said.

"No really honey no." well at least he was honest about it.

"Well too bad because it's true, there nothing bad behind Mark."  
Lucas walked by and caught a piece of our conversation. Of course.

"hey Mr. Sawyer!" he said. He and my father oh my god! Those two were so … joyful together.

"hey Lucas, how are you! I heard you're making it in the literature" he said. He was proud of Lucas like it was his son. I was angry. Lucas wicked at me, that bothered me, because apparently he still thought it was funny.

"Yeah, it's going really well, although, I've kind of been out of inspiration lately, there hadn't been a good book in me since a year." He told my father. "Had been? As in, you have regained it?" I thought as I listen to his words more carefully, everything indicated that he had regained it.

This couldn't be true.

* * *

She had looked so beautiful, walking down that aisle, the sun light framing her face so perfectly. I sat on a long table with on one side Julian and Nathan on the other side. Nathan and I had become like really close friends to Julian, since he and Brooke started dating.

Brooke and Peyton sat on the other side of Julian, so was Haley. Nathan had reported his non progress with Haley to me. I hadn't surprise me, Haley still thought of herself less than Brooke and Peyton. Nathan had always around them so she didn't trust his opinion of her.

Peyton had made Mark leave, but I wasn't sure why. Whether that was because she wanted me, or because she was just angry with him and didn't want him to ruin Brookes wedding.

Whatever it was it gave opportunity, Brooke had asked all of us to stay the week after the wedding, while she an Julian went off on Honeymoon. Brooke and Julian made their way to the dance floor. As best-man I had to dance with the made of honour, but Peyton didn't seem very willing.

I stood up and asked Peyton to dance. "Hey Peyton will you dance with me?" She sighed and nodded. "Sure." Like I said not very willing. While we circled round over the dance floor. She kept staring over my shoulder to her father and Olivia. "Peyton?" I said. "Yeah" She replied harshly, she was still mad at me, for some reason I had done nothing but do as she asked.

"I'm sorry, for what happened I didn't meant for this to happen..." I wanted to asked why Mark left but she'd probably read to much into it.

"Yeah, me too. I'm sorry I'm being sulky, it's really just as much my fault as it is yours." She said, I knew that, but it felt good to hear it from her that meant she wasn't mad at me.

"You staying, this week?" I asked, hoping to get more inside on what happened between her and Mark. And of course also because I wasn't planning on playing fair. Olivia might hate me for it later, but I was going to fight for the love of my life, and the extra week was just what I needed.

"Maybe ¬ I sent Mark home to make sure he wouldn't hit you again. That would ruin Brookes day I didn't want that to happen¬ I am not looking forward to the conversations at home." I felt bad for her. But the maybe would mean at least another five days to play dirty.

"You can smile now." She said. I chuckled. "Peyton, I love you, you know that, but I hate to see you suffer." I told her. I wasn't going to lie to her. I was going to be dead honest.

"Sorry, I know you do." She replied sadly. "I just wish thing had gone different, you know. I hate to see what I'm doing to the three of you. Mark Loves me and I know I love him, but this weekend I've seen I side of him I've never seen in the five years I've known him." She sighed and continued.

"From you I already knew you were capable of these things, you got a temper." Peyton smiled at me. I loved that smile. Damn it I should stop thinking that. "Olivia I suffering that most in this, if Mark and I can't work this out, she got to live with the consequences."

I frowned. "You forgot one." I told her. "You, you're the one making the choice, that alters our lives. Your live, you're suffering the greatest pain." I said hoarsely.

She stared in my eyes, I stared back, our eyes locked for a moment. I could see she was un decided, but that her daughter, made her lean to Mark. She was so easy to read.

"Olivia loves her father." She whispered. "I can't do that to her." I knew that if I was playing fair I wouldn't tell Mark that we slept together, but that would mean she'd go home and it would be like nothing happened. If I didn't play fair, I would tell him, but he would probably take Olivia from her. Both my choices would make either me of her unhappy. I knew she'd be happy with me, but not without Olivia.

"You shouldn't" I said. "Peyton I love you, but all I want is for you to be happy." My voice sounded emotional. "So I'm going to be your friend, if that's what you need me to be."

I sounded emotional, but she was crying. The song ended, I all the possible ways. I said I was going to play dirty, but the consequences, were high prices to pay, I wasn't going to do that.

I backed away from her and headed inside. I needed time alone. "I love her" I whispered as I heard Haley come after me. Haley had found the perfect excuse to no dance another song with Nathan.

"You okay Luke?" She asked me worried. I was far from okay, but I would be okay, maybe not now, maybe not for a while but I could move on now, so I would.

"I'm fine." I lied and headed up the stairs. Haley did bother to follow.

=0=

I was looking where Haley went to quick, but I couldn't find her. Julian came up to me "Hey Man, something wrong." He asked me. "No I don't think so, but Haley just took off, like she saw someone jumping of a cliff." I said.

"Nate, I think you just have a crush on Haley, because Haley is there." I pointed inside where Haley was standing in the hall watching the staircase. "And she ran after Lucas."

"Right Lucas." I said. "I chance she just has a crush on Lucas?" Julian chuckled and shook head. "No, she actually likes you, she's just afraid." He said. I looked at him puzzled. "Brooke tells you everything doesn't she?" I asked amused. Brooke and Julian had a very "open" relationship, everything that Brooke knew, Julian knew too.

"Yeah, we got not secrets." He grinned. So at least Haley did like me. There had to be a way…

"I'll be right back" I told Julian and ran to Haley. "Take your time!" I yelled after me.

Haley was just standing there. She was probably worried about her friends, Peyton and Lucas screwed things up pretty bad. "Hales? Are you okay." I placed my hand on her shoulder. She flinched as I did and started to cry. "Hay, Hales, it's okay, what's wrong?" I asked her.

She sobbed and sobbed, but she wouldn't talk. "Hales, what's wrong." She'd been crying wither head on my chest for over and hour. Her mascara, leaving marks of my shirt. I rubbed her back and rocked her back and forth, but she wouldn't calm down.

While Brooke seemed to enjoy her wedding. Were her closed friends not around. Julian walked up to me "I thought you'd be right back." The he noticed Haley crying. "Oh" – "Yah, didn't see that one coming" I replied.

"the guest are leaving were saying good bye." He told me. I nodded. Julian turned back and went out side again, back to the party.

"Hey Hales, your parents are leaving." I said. She lifted her head and looked at me. "Okay." She said stood up and went upstairs. I was perplex. After and hour of crying she just stood up and left.

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I sighed laid my head on his shoulder and smiled. "Happy?" He asked stroking my hair. "Yes, very, very Happy" I replied. We were standing on the steps of the house, waving at our late leaving guests.

"Good" He said and swept his arms under my legs and as I fell back, he prevented my head from falling when he caught me. I giggled and he carried me inside, up to our bedroom.

I was happy about our wedding, besides from the fact that Lucas, Haley, Nathan and later Peyton too, disappeared it had been a great day. I little talk with Peyton about what happened during their dance had cleared things up. I still had to apologies to Lucas, for being mean to him this morning, what he had done today was brave and selfless.

"Mmh" I moaned as Julian laid on the bed and left and trail of kisses in my neck. I bit my lip not to start giggling again.

"You like that?" He asked, leaving more kisses on my collarbones. "Mhm" I replied. He landed another kiss on my lips. "Where are we going on our honeymoon?" I managed to squeeze out.

"You'll see" He said, and I knew that was the end of it. He'd had no hand in the wedding, but took all his inspiration out on our honeymoon and a part of that was that I did not get to know before we were there.

I groaned in frustration and then let the subject drop. He wasn't going to tell me.

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Athlete – Street map or Howie day – Collide (one of these song required)

"Luke? Can I talk to you?" I asked as I entered his dark room. He was standing by the window, letting the wind cool down the temperature in the room. "Sure" He replied without looking at me. He seemed possessed by something outside. I came in and closed the door behind me. As I walked quietly through the room, to the window, shivered.

"What are you doing here, Peyton. Last time you did this it didn't end very well." He seemed angry. I couldn't blame him I hadn't been nice. "I need to talk to you." My voice sounded huskily and broken. He looked back as he heard my voice. "What's wrong?" He asked, caring clearly. He still sounded like he didn't care, harsh and angry. Indifferent.

"I am scared Luke." I told him, not knowing where to start. "You…" I trailed off as he turned his head back to the window. "Maybe you should go home." He said in that same harsh tone.

"I came to tell you that I had decided that I wasn't staying, Mark's home." I wasn't sure why he was so mean, my eyes filled with tears, and with pain. "Lucas, you mean _so_ much to me" I whispered. "But, I have Olivia to think about, so I'm not leaving Mark." The pain was not just audible in my voice and visible in my eyes. It was aching in my chest. I said goodbye to the man I'd loved for so long, who knew me so good. Who loved me more than anything in this world, and the man that I loved _so_ much, and leaving him made me sick. The nausea hit me with tears, the wind made me shiver. "I love you Luke, more than you know, but I can't be with you. Losing Keith hurt, I can't do that to Olivia, but if I had the choice, you will always be my number one, I promise." I pressed my fingertips to my lips and than my fingertips to his. "bye Lucas Scott."

I turned around and walked slowly out the room. By the door turned around one last time. "You'll make some girl very happy someday." I said and closed the door behind me.

=0=

I should have said something, something that could make this better, something so she wouldn't leave, something that was never said in the history on the world, something that would make this go away, something that would keep her here, with me. Something but as I opened my mouth words were just lost. I could find the magnificent words to make her stay, the words that would make her sacrifice the father figure in her daughter's life. Those words …. Did …not… exist.

=0=

I hung the letter on Brookes door and a letter on the breakfast table. As the cab pulled up to the gate and I grabbed the suitcases and with an sleeping Olivia on my hip and got in the cab. "Airport please." I said and the ranch disappeared behind me. As the ranch with Lucas … disappeared. the tears rolled over my cheeks. Letting go, In order to let him be happy. One has done it in greatest love stories. Sacrifice the purest act of love. That's what Keith did for Karen, it's what Jacob did for Bella. and it was what I would do. I said this was for Olivia but it was for him, because Mark would never let him go if I left him for Lucas. Even if I would be unhappy for the rest of my life. He would find the peace and love he deserved. He would fall in love get married have children, and he would be happy.

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	5. Years have come and Years have gone

Okay, A little jump, is being made, but none for the better, no Novel is a good one without the dificuties of life, as it is not easy. You'll see. A little masochist might do the story soem good. let me know.!

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Chapter 5. Years have come years have gone but our love remains

**Y**ou know the concept of happily ever after? Yeah? I don't. I felt obligated to marry Mark for the safety of the ones I loved. Yeah, at the time I could feel that he had shown his true colours, and that if I left him, Liv and I would not be save and for that all those who would protect me.

I wanted my happily ever after so bad, and I hoped that if I'd just marry him, thing would go back to the way they were. They did, till after the wedding. After the wedding, he started drinking too much, hang out till late after concerts where he worked.

I got scared of him. Liv too, although she never admitted it to me, I could see it in her eyes. Her eyes filled with fear, whenever Mark came home. I hated to see this horrifying fear in her eyes. She worried about me, I wish she didn't but she was too smart not to. She probably lay shuddering in her bed at night.

I went to bed at night not waiting for Mark to get home, I tried to keep the charade up of being a happy family, even towards my father. I stopped calling him, at all. Simply because otherwise I would merely be calling him when something went wrong, and then would be noticeable too quick. I didn't want to involve anyone else. I had no intentions of getting out of this life. I had seen it coming and I had voluntarily chosen this life.

My need to call and talk about what was going on grew when he started using drugs and started hitting me. The urgent need to call Haley or Brooke, just to get it of my chest was torture. I missed my friends, I'd loosened myself from them, to keep them from knowing. When ever I explained another bruise on my face or arm, at work or at other places and at acquaintances, I could see the knowledge of the bruises' cause in her eyes. She was the only one who knew, but I could hardly include her more than she already was. I could not confide in her, that was a burden I would not lay on her shoulders. She was only five.

Liv was a bright child, she knew what was going on was wrong, but kept her mouth shut. When she needed the talk she knew she could come to me, this made us have the strongest bond ever between mother and daughter. It was the only good thing.

Whenever Brooke called, because she hadn't heard from me in such a long time, I would take and minute and then practise my happy voice to call her back to say; everything was great and I was just really busy. Liv was growing fast and that I'd send her a picture soon. I would send her a picture and she'd back off for a while. I hated doing this.

I cried my eyes out at night. Silently. Mark comments in the morning about my eyes, were not meant for the ears of five year olds, but that didn't keep him from saying them in front of her.

**I** walked to my work, I was a little late because it had taken an awful lot of time to cover up the bruise around my eye, and everyone would notice anyway. "Good Morning Peyton." Lila said as I enter the office, she looked at my eyes, recognized it and sighed. The first three times she'd said something about it, I had said I was clumsy, and the fourth time, she stopped asking, that was about six months ago. I knew that some of these days she was going to confront me. I surely hoped that day came soon, because I could take it anymore.

I sat behind my desk in my office. I turned on my computer. As I hoped ten minutes later Lila flittered into my office and closed the door. I sighed I knew I could keep straight much longer.

"Peyton I know, and I'm not the only one, you're not just clumsy" She said matter-of-factly. I sighed and leaned my head into hands. "I know, you know, every time I can read the knowledge of your face Lila." I said quietly. My eyes filled with tears. "How long?" she asked as she grabbed a chair and sat down besides me. "About six months" I told her. She gulped. She opened her mouth to say something, but closed it again by lack of words.

"It's okay, Lila" I said. She sighed "No Peyton it's not, you have to leave him." She said. I knew she was right, but she didn't knew that I had chosen this. "I know, but I can't he'll never leave me alone, he'll do whatever it takes to find us,..." My voice trailed off, I started sobbing. "Peyton,…" She began but again she didn't know what to say. "I chose this, I knew this was a very possible option when I married him. I did it to protect Liv, from a separation, or any other live altering change for her, or the option she might have to live with him without me. I can always leave, but he has a right to his daughter."

I could see by the looked upon her face that I'd given her a reason to speak. "Any man who hits his wife has not right to his daughter, anyone who has shown to be violent, has little chance at custody." She said determent.

"Lila it's not just custody, I'm only protecting her, even if he does have custody, he'll have a right to see her, and if I'm not around to catch the slap…" I couldn't finish that sentence.

"Go talk to a lawyer, see what he says." I suggested. "No, if I do then it's already too late." I say the eyes of the rest of the people in the office staring at me through the glass walls of my office.

"You can't live like this." She said. "You can stay with me, for a while till you've figured out what to do, but this isn't fair, not to you and not to Liv." I stared at her. "I have nowhere to go Li." I didn't know where to go, he'd find me anywhere.

"He knows my friends he know my father, that's the first place he'll look." I said slowly, but desperate. "Then I'll help you. You can stay and let him search for you at the obvious places, and when you're not there, you can go to them." Lila made it sound so easy. I took a deep breath and said slowly in a low voice : "Li, If he catches us, I'm dead" I sounded terrified. "And so is Liv." The tears streaming over my face. "Peyton, if you stay, it will get worse and you'll die as well, and than he'll go to jail, and Liv has no parents at all." She spoke in the same slow low voice as I had.

I looked at her. "Okay, thank you for doing this for me" I hugged her and she shushed me.

"You're welcome, now come, we'll get your stuff and Liv's and then pick up Liv.."

=0=

About an hour later I had gathered all our important stuff, and left a note for Mark, that said:

Liv and I are out late,

don't worry,

we'll see you tomorrow.

We packed Lila's car and took off to her place. "Lila again I'm very grateful, although I never planned on leaving, since I chose this myself." I said. She sighed smile and said: "Again, it's okay, you did what you thought was the right thing to do for Liv, now it's the right thing to do for the both of you." I glanced at my daughter, tucked under my arm. She was sound asleep, when I'd picked her up at the day-care, I'd told them the same as the note, that we were going to do something fun and that we'd be out late, (the last part to cheer Liv up.) Just in case Mark would check my story there.

Lila lived in the outskirts of LA, when we arrived there. Lila said: "Tada!" She pulled up the driveway of an all American family house. "My husband isn't home, so you have time to unpack before talking to him, don't worry, he doesn't hit, and I already talked to him." She said. "He's understanding." I tried to smile but I was too scared, my breathing was shallow, and my eyes still wet.

I carefully, pulled Liv, on my lap and pressed her against my chest, hoping she wouldn't wake up. While Lila pulled our stuff from the car and took it inside and carefully carried Liv inside.

The Inside of the house was all ivory coloured, the hall had a big staircase of dark wood. More I didn't see she showed me the way to her guest bedroom directly. It was a big bedroom, with a large double bed. The bed looked very comfortable. The double door opposite of the bed led to the bathroom, which was also big. I started wondering what Lila's husband did for living.

"Thanks Lila." I said as I laid Liv down on the bed. She was still asleep. "You're welcome. You probably want to fresh up a bit so I'll leave you two, you're welcome downstairs to join me for tea of TV."

I smiled thanked her again and looked out the window. I was scared that Mark would find me even here. I was scared he would go to Brooke and Julian, But most scared a was of him going to Tree Hill, to Lucas. I unzipped my suitcase, which bounced opened because it was so full. From under in my suitcase I got "Summer Dreams" A book Lucas published last year. I had kept it very secret from Mark, never read in bed afraid I might fall asleep with the book. I still hadn't read it totally, but enough to know it was about our summer in Tree Hill two years ago.

I was scared he'd go straight to Lucas, hurt him. I laid the book on the nightstand and went to the bathroom to fresh up, I changed into some fresh clothes, and woke Liv up. "Hey honey." I said when she slowly opened her eyes. "Hi momma" I said. "Are we leaving daddy" I tried to grin at her question so she would know I was going to be strong, but no more than a weak smile appeared. "I'm proud mommy" She said, this made me cry all over again. "Don't cry, daddy won't find us right?" I smiled and said: "Of course not, we're going to be fine." I pulled her up my lap and hugged her. "We are going to be fine" I repeated. I putted my cell phone in my pocket, and went down stair with Liv.

"Hey, How are you feeling?" Lila asked as we entered the kitchen. Lila sat at a stool at the island, reading a magazine. "Better" I said It was kind of weird, I was her boss but today we felt equal, friends. I felt as a good weird. "Here I got tea, you want lemonade?" She asked Liv. Liv nodded and I lifted her up to a stool. I sat down next to her as Lila poured me tea and Liv lemonade.

"Thanks" I said as she was shoving the cup of tea toward me. She turned on the flat screen in the kitchen. Her favourite soap started. I watched with her while Liv, was drawing. Not quite as good as me but she would definitely get there,

When the soap ended Lila started with dinner. We spoke little, we didn't know each other that good, and my situation wasn't exactly what I wanted to talk about.

Fifteen minutes later her husband came home. "Lil?" He called. She turned around from the stove and smiled. "In the Kitchen, Leo!" she called back. I flipped through the magazine. When he entered, I looked up. He kissed Lila on the forehead and then greeted me. "Hi I'm Leo" I smiled and shook his hand "I'm Peyton" He smiled back and said: " It's too bad we have to under these circumstances, but it's a pleasure to have you here." I nodded "I'm grateful you'll have me, and my daughter." I said. Then he started occupying himself with Lila, and I excused us from the scene, on our way up stairs Lila called that she'd call me when dinner was ready.

Upstairs I cuddled with Liv on the bed and started reading Lucas' book.

"_He felt like he should have said something, something that could make this better, something so she wouldn't leave, something that was never said in the history on the world, something that would make this go away, something that would keep her here, with him. Something, anything but as he opened his mouth words were just lost. He couldn't find the magnificent words to make her stay, the words that would make her sacrifice the father figure in her daughters life. Those words …. Did …not… exist"_

I could remember that night so well. It had taken me everything I had to suffer in silence, everything through live this. It hurt me so badly, to read his thoughts, I was the side I'd never gotten to see. I felt a relief in the fact that he couldn't find the words to stop me. I found relief in the fact that he did want to stop me.

* * *

**I **had been miserable for the past two years, when Peyton came to town for Brookes wedding I really hoped it would change that I would never feel this way again, because whatever would happen Peyton and I could at least be friends and stay in touch. Not. I haven't heard from her since she left. I wrote a book about our summer, but she didn't came to my book signing in LA and I never got anything as much as a message when I sent her the book.

Now I'm just trying really hard to pick up on my life, find a way to make it work. Writing and coaching makes it easier at day. I don't get the chance to worry or feel miserable, at night is a totally different story I'm suppose to be sleeping then, but I haven't slept a lot, in the past two years. Haley says it's ridiculous , and unhealthy but then I remind her of her weird dating thing with Nathan and she shut's up about the subject. Haley and Nathan are dating, but Nathan still lives in New York, not planning on leaving and Haley still lives in Tree Hill, not planning on leaving. They see each other once a month, and the rest of their relationship is going over the internet. I don't know how they do it. I contacted Brooke a few times to ask her if she was in contact with Peyton, if she had an e mail address or a phone number, but she said that she had, but wouldn't give it to, Peyton was very busy and there was some tension between her and Mark it would be better if I didn't call.

I forgot all about calling her. I didn't want to bother her or give her anymore trouble than she already had thanks to me.

Six months ago, Tree Hill High gained a new teacher. Her name is Susan, is nice, Lovely even. She's good friends with Haley, and had confessed to Haley that she liked me. Haley had warned her about my miserably suffering, over my old high school girl friend. When I heard her say that I realized how pathetic it actually was. I asked Susan out. We went to Tric and had a lovely time.

Now it's six moths later and Susan, is now just Suz. We have been dating ever since. Although she had a hard time, stepping over my issues with Peyton, the books mostly, she is fine with it. She has accepted my past, so have I, we're happy and last week we moved in together. Now she's just busy with cleaning out my apartment, she is convinced it's unhealthy so dirty as it is. I don't really care as long as she's happy.

"**S**uz?" I called, when I enter the apartment after practice. "In here Luke" She replied cheerfully. I smiled and followed the voice to our bedroom. I opened the door and I searched for Susan. "Wow" I said when I found her in the middle of the room covered by old clothes and photos, some mine others hers.

"What the heck is this?" I chuckled. "These are all our high school photos, and some of my high school clothes, I didn't bother to get yours, because they're probably all the same, and I didn't feel like empting your closet. I raised my eyebrow and sat down. "And what exactly are your doing with them. "I'm just looking at similarities, and differences. I looked at a photo of me and Peyton. She clearly noticed that and said: "You have an awful lot of photos of your ex girl friend. I smiled. "Yeah, I probably should have thrown them out by now huh?" I smiled back and leaned in the kiss me. "I can do that for you. For every photo you have of Haley, you can keep one from Peyton deal?" I chuckled. "Why did I find such a understanding girl. You got yourself a deal." I kissed at but would let her pull away. "Hey, now you're just making me forget that we had a deal." She giggled. I sighed. "Fine"

I counted the photos of Haley and picked out the photos of Peyton I wanted to keep. Two of them were photos of Peyton and Liv and the wedding. "Who's the little girl?" Suz asked. I wasn't sure if I had ever told her, about my last book so I figured I'd just tell her. "That Liv – Olivia, she Peyton's daughter, cure girl." I said. "Peyton has a daughter?" I seemed surprised. I sighed. "Yah, that was sort of the whole problem, she wouldn't leave her fiancé, because of her daughter." I pulled my book Summer Dreams for a book shelve. "Here" I said giving her the book. It's about the last time I saw her, but than with different names and stuff." She looked insecure. "It's okay" I told her but she didn't seem convinced. "This is about you last summer with Peyton?" She asked in disbelief. "Yah, two years ago, Brookes wedding" She looked away and then took the book and left the bedroom.

I took and pictures of Peyton and Haley and the rest and then threw out the rest of the photos of Peyton. She looked so beautiful in that dress. I quickly threw out the rest of the photos and started cleaning up the bedroom. I gave Suz, some time to let it sink in.

* * *

I suppose I forgot to say, how masochistic.. but yeah, this much... You'll see, how this won't be as easy as it seems... Anyway. What do you think, Do they deerve each other already?

Love Philine PS. Don't forget to press to button with the green letters.


	6. It Slipped All Right Away

**Chapter 6. It slipped all right away.**

My phone went off it was eleven-thirty. I was already sleeping, so i turned on my bedside lamp, sat up. I sighed as the number ID, told me Mark was catching up on me. I'd been staying with Lilla for a week now and this was the first night I was sleeping peacefully again.

I answered the phone. "Brooke, why are you calling me in the middle of the night?" I asked her already knowing her answer. "Mark scared the hell out of me and Julian an hour ago. He asked me where I was hiding you" She sounded worried. I sighed look at Liv, next to me in bed and said: "I left..." I could hear she was more worried then disapproving. "He's abusing you?" she asked as if she could read my mind. My throat felt thick and painful. I swallowed the lump and said: "Yes..." the tears had reached my eyes. "I couldn't take it anymore, I'm staying¬" Suddenly Brooke cut off my words. "Honey, are you okay now, Liv is with right?" she asked. Her sudden response before I could finish my sentence was weird, she'd never do such thing. "I'm fine. Liv is fine, she seems happy. I'm happy, we're in Canada at the moment, we're having a little vacation." I lied. I wasn't sure why I was lying it was not like couldn't trust her.

"Okay, well... Good luck I feel really sorry, for you...ahhhh! .....Sorry....er... I slipped." Brooke sounded nervous, I finally noticed. "Brooke what's wrong, you're acting strange. I tell you I ran away from my abusive husband and you act like, that too bad bye!, it's not like you." I said.

I was silent on the other side of the line. I wondered if had been guessing right. "Are you crying?" I asked. I might have sound offended, which was weird but, it was weird, why was she crying. "Brooke I'll call you tomorrow okay? Bye" I hung up. What the heck was that.

I lay down, and closed my eyes. I wouldn't worry about it. Brooke could take care of herself.

* * *

Stood there with open mouth, She smiled weakly. I took her face between my hand and kissed her. The insecurity disappeared and a brighter smile appeared.

A knock on the book disturbed our happy moment, I hurried out of bed into a pair of pyjama bottoms. I took a quick last look and Suz, who smile and said: "Be quick"

I opened to door. Before I recognized the face, a fist came at me, and everything went black.

When I woke up a couple of minutes later. I was lying on the couch. Suz was leaning over me to see if I was okay. "What the hell" I mumbled. I sat up and saw Mark pacing through the living room.

"What's going on?" I asked. I only now noticed the frustrated and worried look on Suz' face.

"What are you doing here Mark?" Suz chuckled. "Like you don't know."

"Yeah, that's..." I trailed of as I saw the gun in his hand. "Peyton Husband Yeah, I know. I've been reading about him." This surprised him and he raised the gun at her "What do you mean? Read about me?" He demanded.

I sighed rolled my eyes and threw Susan a look. "Good idea Suz" I said sarcastically, as she threw the book at Mark. "You wrote a book about you pathetic attempt to seduce my wife?" He asked angry and yet amused.

"Yah, so what?" I asked. Suz threw me a look, she was clearly worried about the gun.

"Yeah, we even slept together, she felt terrible, she decided to marry you, what are you doing here?" I asked to skip the discussion.

"You slept with my Wife?" I wondered if he hadn't figured that out much. "Yah, and then she left and married you, what the problem?"

"Where is Peyton, you hiding her here somewhere?" he asked waving with the gun at me. I chuckled. "She left you didn't she?" I felt a little victory. I remembered the words she had said to me when she left. She wanted me. She told me that, went to him because of Olivia. But that didn't matter I had Susan and I love Susan.

"She not here." Susan snapped at him. "Why would I hide the girl my boyfriend was in love with?"

"Good point" Mark said seeming to calm down. "I should kill you for, sleeping with her but what good would that do, it's not like she came to you. Does she know you have a girlfriend?"

"No, I don't think so, I haven't spoken to her since that summer." I told him. He chuckled. "of course not" he said and then stalked out the door without a word.

I hugged Susan, you okay?" I was worried he might have hurt her too. "Yes, I'm fine" She said, and I sighed in relieve. "Come on, we'll go back to bed." I helped you get up and we went back.

* * *

Susan was making breakfast as I woke up. My head ached, and as I walked past the mirror i saw my black eye. I groaned. "Great, my team is going to love that."

As I entered the kitchen, Suz greeted me, with a smile. "Good morning sleepy, how do you feel" she said. "Like Hell" I sighed. "You looked like hell too." I replied still smiling. I chuckled. "You mind if I call Peyton, see what's going on?" She sighed, she was clearly not totally comfortable with our history. "Sure, she's your friend, you should be worried." I sounded more like she was convincing herself than giving me green light. I picked up the receiver and dialled the number.

"Peyton" She replied. The sound of her voice was like music to my ears. I had missed it so much. "Peyton it's me, what's going on?" I asked.

I was silent on the other side I was quite sure that I heard her cry. "Nothing, Lucas Nothing. Why?" I rolled my eyes, she knew why, I could hear it. "Your husband, visited last night, hit me." I told her, with a little pout, I didn't want it to be all heavy talking right away.

"I left him. I'm fine and save, but I'm going to keep hiding until he stops looking for me. Then can start over." She said. This sounded a lot more serious than I thought.

"He hits you doesn't he?" I asked like it was obvious, which, it kind of was. "Yeah, I hoped that if I showed him how much I love him, that he wouldn't be so jealous, anymore and that we could be happy." She was crying.

"I know Peyton you told me that at Brookes wedding." I said, wanted her to come to Tree Hill, to come to me so I could hold her, which was kind of wrong since I had a pregnant Girlfriend.

"No, Lucas you don't know anything, I love Mark, and I am now running for my life, and for the life of my daughter, because I can divorce him, but Liv, can't. I want him to just love me, but he's so insecure about what I feel for him, that every time I do something he doesn't like he hits me. So no Lucas you don't understand, because you have girlfriend apparently and you've moved on and that's good for you, I want that for you. Be Happy Lucas, have children, get married. You deserve it." She said and then hung up. Just like that. I was stunned. I sounded like she was committing suicide. I decided that I would call Brooke.

"Not good?" Susan asked, placing my plate in front of me. "Her best wishes." I felt absent.

* * *

I hung up tears n my eyes. Liv, stared at me with big eyes. "Are we going back to daddy?" she asked her eyes anxious.

"No hon, of course not. Mommy is just trying to keep more people safe." I told her.

It was noon, and Lila and her husband Leo, were at work. The doorbell rang, and I glanced out the window to see who was there. It was Brooke. How did she find me?

I skipped to the door and opened it. "Brooke what are you doing here?" I asked. My eyes still red and wet. "I'm here for you of course. Lila, called me, she said that you've been hiding and that you needed someone to talk to." I smiled. Lila was being way to good for me.

I hugged Brooke. "What was that weird phone call, two nights ago?" I asked. "Mark, came to visit me. He had a gun at my head and made me call you." She said while I pulled her inside.

"Oh, god" I was afraid that might happen. That's why I stopped you from saying where you were, and why I was acting so strange." I explained while we headed up the stairs to my bedroom. Liv was there. "Aunt Brooke!" she squealed. "Liv Love!" Brooke squealed back.

I chuckled. Brooke caught Liv in her arms. "Ow I missed you!" She said. "I missed you too" She said.

=1=

"So, that's what happened." I ended telling Brooke. I had told her everything.

"W-o-w" Brooke said. "I know" I sighed. Brooke had been so sweet. "Why did you lie to Luke when he called." She asked

I wasn't lying. Why would she think that. "that wasn't a lie." I told her. Brooke glared at me like had gone nuts. "Yes you are. You love him and you want nothing more than him to hold you, and protect you." She said. She could be such a drama queen. I didn't want that I wanted Lucas to be Happy and how big was the change he'd be with a train wreck like me?

"I don't" I said. "End of discussion."

"Agrh! You can be so difficult!"Brooke sighed. Then her phone rang. "Saved by the bell" I muttered under my breath. "Hello?" Brooke answered strangely happy.

It was quiet for awhile.... "I know" ...... "Yes" ......... "I Am" ..... "Don't, .. it's better to leave it to me, it's hard enough." ..... "Bye" After 5 minutes she hung up the phone.

"Lucas?" I asked. Was sure. I wished he would just leave it. I wasn't going to him. He had a girlfriend and a life. I might have changed my mind about being with Mark, but not about Lucas. " Yes, he's worried, but he doesn't want to meddle too much, Susan is pregnant." Brooke said. I was stunned. I little taken off guard, but I wanted that for him. "His girlfriend?" I asked innocent.

" Yes, she'd been so, good for Luke, since my wedding, Lucas wasn't doing very well, and since he has Susan, he's been Lucas again, at least that says Haley."

It was good to hear from my friends again. "How's Haley?" I asked, moving on from the subject Lucas. "Good, she dating Nathan I think, but it's a bit strange."

* * *

"Nathan could you _make_ time to come see me? How is this suppose to work, if you can't come to visit me?" I couldn't believe he was being so selfish. I was the one flying up and down to New York every two weeks and He would just, never bother to come and visit me.

"No, Nathan f I'm not worth making time for, then maybe we should end this, before it'll hurt both of us." I didn't want it to end, as little as I wanted to admit it, I did actually liked him a lot. "Haley, you know I want to see you, but we've lost two games and the coach s being utterly dramatic about it and has set up extra practices." Nathan pleaded.

"So? Does that mean I'm the one who has to keep flying up and down from Tree Hill?" I knew I was being a little oversensitive, but I still felt like that was reasonability in my words. "Right, Hales, as soon as season s over I'll come to Tree Hill, but please... I'm begging you, Hales I really wish I could come, I miss you so much.." That was so not fair of him to play it like that. He knew I could resist, a plea like that.

"I miss you, too Nathan, but tickets are expensive, if I fly to you and you are too busy with practice anyway... I might as well stay home." I really missed him though.

I listen to his last plea, to make me come to New York. "Nathan Sorry, really I can't do this anymore, I'm exhausted from all the flying. I have class now, I'm sorry. Maybe, we should end things..." He didn't answer. After a long silence and started walking to my classroom. I entered my classroom. "Hales, I don't want to, I love you. I would come if I could." He said. The casual I Love You, caught me off guard. "I have to go." I mumbled and hung up.

"Good afternoon." I started my class.

* * *

I hung up the phone. I felt like this conversation ended in a way I hadn't see it going. It didn't want to break up want to break up with Haley. We love her. It might not have been smart to tell this over the phone, but I felt her slipping away, and I had to do something to keep her. I hated the fact that, I played My ass off, and that we kept practising more and more.

I missed her so much, when she wasn't here, but she was right. He hadn't been in Tree Hill, in 3 months. I that time Haley had flown out to New York, at least six times. She had all the right to be upset. As soon as I would get the chance I would go and see her. I was playing on surprising her.

I would tell her in person that I loved her. I walked to the locker room. "Hey Guys." I greeted and sighed. "Wow, someone to p for extra practice." One of my teammates commented. "Is it that obvious?" I wondered. "Yeah, man, it's almost written on your forehead, what's wrong?" He chuckled, but sounded worried. "It's Hales..." I trailed off hoping to skip to story.

"She'd not happy, about the extra practice?" He guessed. I should have been surprised, that he knew what was going on. "Yeah, haven't seen her in two weeks, I miss her. But she's refusing to come to New York, because she'd been flying up and down every two weeks, now. And now she'd threatening with a break up." For far skipping the story...

"I'm sorry man, but if you go coach will bench you, you know that."He said. I got that, but using that to Haley made her merely angry. She thought that was selfish, and that our relationship was already out of balance...

"I Know, but there no reasoning with Haley at that point." I told him while and changed. "you're going?" he asked slightly scared. "I'm not sure, it took me long enough to convince her to date me..." I thought back of that discussion, with such pleasure.

A few guys, started grinning, having heard the story from Haley one day, she picked me up after practice. Even coach was fond of her... Not so fond that he would let me go, to see her. Perhaps fond enough to call her for me and convince her to give me another chance.

* * *

**My apollogies for the long time no update. school stared again this week, so i was really bussy, i´ll try to keep up, with posting, but please remember that my education is my first priority**

**So this is it, ... Let me know what you think, You like it. i´m planning on making this journey of lost love very long, so its going to take a while. **

**Send me your, opinion! Or ideaás love to read them...**

_**Love & Laughter Philine**_

* * *


	7. We All Chase What We Desire of Possesing

**Chapter 7. We All Chase What We Desire of Possessing.**

"Hi, Haley" Alex called as I made my way to quad. "Hey, Alex What's Up?" it surprised me, I ran away from him, what three years ago. Like a scared little girl when he asked me out. "I Wondered , if you were willing to chaperone the prom with me. Next week?" he asked.

The prom... right Why was he now suddenly interested again. "I've been sort of debating on asking you out, since ...." he trailed off. "But since you ran out on me the last time I tried to ask to out, I figure prom might be less scary?" He had a little amused smile on his face, probably because of my warily expression.

"You're asking me to Prom?"I asked incredulously. He chuckled. "I suppose I am..." I could say yes. I had a boyfriend.. well, yeah, even though we were fighting, he was still my boyfriend, it was wrong to go on a date with another guy, just because Nathan would never know because he was never here. This thought made me angry. He was never here, and still I was so loyal to him.

"As a date?" I asked, carefully, not to make the word 'date' sound too... dirty. "Whatever you what it to be." I chuckled. "It doesn't work like that. What do you what it to be?" He flashed a million dollar smile, and said: "Well, I guess prom is the perfect date.."

You can't do it you can't you have boyfriend, you can't date him! I was yelled in my head. Plus prom was tonight! What would I wear!

"You're telling him no, you apologise and she you have a boyfriend."I told myself.

"I'd love to. Okay I'll pick you up at eight?" He said standing up.

As he walked away I called after him : "What did you mean with since,..." I asked. He turned around and walked back. "What do you mean?"

"you said: 'I've been debating on asking you out, since...' than you trailed off." I asked him. He seemed as shamed of the answer to my question. "Since... Lucas and Susan, are together..." it took me a while to understand what he meant. I sighed and chuckled. "you waited three years with asking me out, because you thought I was with Lucas, even though I told you, he's my friend." I started laughing. "How is that funny?" he asked.

I rolled my eyes, and flashed a smile. "Because Lucas is my friend." Now had the urge to tell him that, if he'd asked me a month after the wedding instead of waiting three years, I wouldn't be with Nathan now. Well urge, I found that ironic. "and he's been having, trouble with his high girlfriend, Before he met Susan...." he chuckled a little embarrassed. "we're still on?" He asked to be sure.

"Yeah" Smiled, and shook my head in disbelieve. "You seriously haven't dated anyone since, well the last time I asked you out?" Oops. Time to lie? Or just spin the truth. Pretend for myself that I broke up with Nathan this morning... "No, I actually Broke up with my boyfriend this morning.." he seemed surprised. "oh, I never noticed to had a boyfriend" he was fishing for details, he didn't want.

He'd be scared away if i told him my last boyfriend was Nathan Scott.

Still I was wondering, why I was telling him I broke up with Nathan, while I didn't and why I was going on a date with him, while I had a boyfriend. "He doesn't live here... He lives in New York." I sighed.

"That's why I broke, up with him. He was too busy with work, to have time to come and see me, while I've been flying to new York every two weeks. I'm done flying up and down, if he doesn't do the same for me." He was clearly taking it all in. "Right. Well, I suppose I'm lucky then..." he said and took off.

* * *

"Lila, I cannot thank you enough for you hospitality, I really appreciate it." I told her when Liv and I were about to come with Brooke to New York. "I'm very thankful." Lila chuckled. "you made yourself clear Peyton, visit soon please." She said, as she and her husband waved after us.

"And Lila, you know you're the only one and completely trust, at my position." I had promoted her in the spot of my job as I stepped down myself. "I know you do, I'll honour you trust." She said.

Brooke loaded her car, with our luggage, and then we took off.

"So, you know what's next, now Mark gave up on finding you?" Brooke asked as we were on our way to the airport. I sighed, I did know what was next, but it was a tough decision to make. "Yah, I'm getting my divorce." I sighed. That would be hard, but I could handle it, after that I was free to go wherever I wanted. Free to find a new job and place to live with Olivia.

"Good. Because I don't really want to you around for too long. Julian and I are trying to have a baby." She announced. It didn't really surprise me, Brooke had always been fond of Olivia. Now she had her own husband, it was logical, she wanted a little baby of her own. "That's great Brooke, I'm Happy for you, even though the mental pictures you're putting in my head are gross." I grinned.

I knew Brooke better anyone. And her track record spoke for itself.

* * *

"Hey, Suz How are you feeling?" I walked into the apartment. "Okay, for now." Susan was troubled by morning sickness. She called sick this morning, I now it was lunch and came home to check on her. "I'm okay.. troubled but okay.." She replied. I stroked her forehead then leaned forward to kiss her head.

"How was practice?" she asked. "The usual" I replied casually. She sighed, I always said the usual, so she still didn't know what the usual was. "Right..." She said, thinking what I just thought.

"You know I've taken the day off." I told her. I had something special planned. A surprise. After everything that happened the last few months, I thought it was time for this.  
"Why? I'm fine you don't need to take care of me" She said.

"That's not it. Just put some clothes on that aren't pyjamas and then we'll go." I told her. She went to the bedroom and I walked to the kitchen. I opened at drawer looking for matches and a corkscrew. I found some pictures from Me and Peyton and Brooke and Nathan, also from Bevin and Skills, Mouth and Jake. I hold on to one of the picture of me and Peyton. I remember the last time I'd heard of her, not so long ago. She was running from her abusive husband Mark, who I by the way not liked, in the first place. Brooke told me she was going to take care of it.

I had wanted to meddle, but Brooke and pointed out that that for the sake of Susan and the baby, might not have been a good idea. I wonder how she was doing. "I would call her anyway, when I came back...

"Susan are you ready?" I asked, raising my voice to reach the bedroom. "Nope" she called back. I looked back on the photo one more time and then, putted it back and closed the drawer.

I putted the matches and the corkscrew in a basket, and waited for Susan to be ready.

* * *

After practice I ran from the locker room and headed for a cab. "Nathan! Hey where you going so fast?" The same guy yelled after me. I came to a stop and turned around.

"Nick? What up man?"I asked. I knew he meant my sudden departure, but I tried to play along. "Where are you going so quick?" I sighed and wondered whether to tell him. "I'm going to Haley." I announced. "but man we have a game the day after tomorrow, if you're not there he'll bench you for the rest of the season!" Nick said. "I'll try to be back by then. No promises though." I aid and then tok off.

I went by my apartment to pack a bag, and then took a cab to the airport. I was going to see Haley soon.

It was 6 O' clock when I boarded my plane. I was eager to see Haley again. I felt terrible after our conversation this morning so I wanted to make up for her. Haley had made clear she was not flying back to New York, before I made time to fly to Tree Hill. I hoped to be back before the game, but if not it was worth it. Worth not losing Haley. When I finally landed an hour later, I hurried to Tree Hill.

On my way to Haley's apartment, I passed the flyers of Senior prom at Tree Hill High. I remembered my prom with Brooke who refused to make it date like. She had not wanted to dance and the only reason they went together was because they Prom King and Queen.

I drove up the parking lot by Haley's Building. My eyes searched for her apartment, while a walked to the building. When I located her place, the lights were off. I went to her front door, and knocked on it. Once ... Twice... Then a little harder, but she wasn't home.. I wondered where Haley could possibly be on a Friday night, she wasn't really the party type. She was A teacher.

That's when I remembered the flyers. Prom! Of course she was chaperoning the prom. That was a Haley thing to do. I walked down, back to the rental car, I had rented at the Airport. I got in the car, and as I watched the road. I practised what i was going to say to Haley, when I found her.

I would, tell her I was sorry, and that I had come, because she meant too much to me, to let her go. To break up over something so stupid as physical separation. I would tell her that I missed her and I would tell her in person that I loved her .

I followed the familiar road the tree Hill High School, till I turned up the parking lot. As I parked the car, My eyes searched for Haley. I got out of the car as my eyes located Haley, she was at the entrance. Checking weather people didn´t bring alcohol in with them.

I accelerated me pace, So looked absolutely stunning.

...............................

"Have I told you how Beautiful you look?" Alex, asked me as we walked up to the school. I chuckled. "Yes, like ten times already" He grinned. "Good, ten you said… yeah I kind of lost count, but it's good to know I'm at ten already" I smiled shyly.

He placed a hand on the small of my back and escorted me inside. A few suspicious looks were thrown my way, and some disapproving looks as well. I also caught some glimpse of the looks thrown Alex' way. These varied from, "Nice" looks to "naughty!" looks.

We announced our presence, and got an assignment. I was assigned to check the door. Alex was, clearly not happy, when he was assigned to keep an eyes on the kids inside. After an hour standing in the now what cold air.. I got a little on comfortable in my gown.

Alex slipped past me, leaving his hand on my back. "Hey there." He said standing still beside me. "You cold?" I smiled. "Yes, I'm freezing" He moved his hand from my back to my arm, and chuckled "Come on. I'll smuggle you inside." He said, and slowly moved me with him, back inside. By the door, he gently kissed me on my cheek. I blushed and he watched the smile as he crept into the corners of my mouth. Why was I smiling, I might be pretending that Nathan and I had broken up, but.. we hadn't, this was just an innocent date….

.......

What! No. Haley wouldn't, the guy was just flirting with her, not knowing that she was way out of his league. Haley hadn't meant it when she said that maybe we should break up. It wasn't a break up, it was just an expression of frustration.

I found myself pacing quicker and quicker. Till I froze, just twenty yards away from her. I saw the guy, kiss her cheek. She blushed, and then smiled. I never felt so infuriated in my life.

I picked up my pace, as I started to walk again.

.....

We headed inside, and while he walked with me farther inside, I heard some murmurs behind me and threw a quick glance after me, and while I looked back in front of me, my mind caught up with what my eyes caught sight of. I froze in the hall like someone, super-glued my feet to the floor.

…….

Haley looked back, and then away again, just a quarter of a second later she froze. She slowly turned, the guy next the her shifted around her as she turned around. He murmured something in her ear. Haley didn't seem to hear it. She was staring at me now. Our eyes locked. Her beautiful eyes on me. Hurt. Surprised. Shame.

……

Nathan. It was Nathan, I turned around, Alex hovered at my sudden turn. "What's wrong Haley" He murmured in my ear. My eyes locked on Nathans. He'd come. Despite his work, despite the warnings, I meant enough to him to risk his job. His eyes reflected my bedrail, disbelief. The shame was probably reflected on my face. "Is that Nathan Scott?" Alex guessed. "Yes" I mumbled.

Alex probably finally noticed the pain in my face rather than surprise, because he murmured "He was your boyfriend" in disbelief. I shook my head and swallowed the lump in my throat. "He _is_ my boyfriend….." I was sure I would have seen his jaw drop to the ground, if I had been able to rip my eyes away from Nathan.

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**TadA! Poor Naley! frothose who read all my stories, you probably noticed that thing's are never easy for mNaley in my stories, well beside girlcode,(but that one was my first) One worse than the other but never easy. well let's see how this ends Chapter 8 almost finished. I'll finish it tonight, and them I'll have it up somewhere this week.  
**  
**Love and Laughter philine**


	8. We Shall Not Let It Slip Away

Autor's note; Sorry, when i said i'd be updating somewhere this week i was thinking tuesday wendsday, not thursday night! i'm sorry, i've just been really bussy. i appologies!  
anyway here's a little showdown. Lwet's just get started and then you can complain afterwards.. (please do!)

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**Chapter 8. We shall not let it slip away**

"Haley?" I'm sure my voice broke. Had she really broken up with me this morning? She had turned around and had continued to walk back inside.

"Hales!" I yelled after her, but she simply ignored me. When I got to the door. I was stopped by one of the other chaperones. 'Sorry Man, It's a high school prom, we don't want any trouble." He said.

I felt anger and disbelief. Why would she do this… had I been such an egocentric bastard?

I suppose luck wasn't the right word for my epiphany, but slight joy was certainly surrounding me, when I remembered this was my old High School, and that I knew this school better, than most of the current Freshmen and Sophomores.

I pretended to return to my car with my tail between my legs, so to say. I fact when I had reached my car, and went to the back of the school, and headed in from the other side.

I opened the door and went inside. I had walked these halls so many times before, that I knew where I was going. The way to the gym, was one I would never fail to remember. I turned around the corner, and then stopped. I heard her voice. It was apologetic and pleading. In that moment I was happy that I hadn't given up, and that I hadn't decided to go home. I knew Haley hadn't broken up with me.

…..

"What?" Alex asked, taken off guard by my answer. We continued going inside since I was still freezing, and I ignored Nathan calls for me. I didn't answer his question. We were silence for a couple of minutes, while we turned around the corner. When we were a few yards away from the gym doors, held halt. "What is going on Haley?" He demanded again, more urgently this time, maybe a little upset with me.

"I'm sorry, I haven't been completely honest with you." I began, but it sounded so…. Pathetic. "Nathan and I fought this morning over the phone." I Began again. He seemed impatiently for my explanation. "yes.." He was tapping with his foot to the floor. "Nathan lives in New York, and I've been the one to fly up and down to New York, because he couldn't get away, because of his work. .." I trailed off. Not sure if this was better than the pathetic way.

"I had enough of it, and I wanted him to come to Tree Hill, and if he couldn't put that up, that maybe we should spilt up. I hung up…" I sighed. He didn't seem happy. "You asked me to go to Prom with you… I was upset with Nathan… I thought it couldn't hurt." I paused for a second to observe his response. His face was quite blank.

"I'm sorry, I never thought that he would… he would actually come." He looked down at my face. I looked up at his. Our eyes locked for a second, and then his lips crushed down on mine. I felt his warm lips on mine, soft and gentle. His hands on my face, his lips urgently pressed against mine. I felt numb, I just hung there numb between his hands, because my feet and legs were in no state to support me.

His tongue was pleading for entrance in my mouth. I felt numb and so was in no state to keeping my lips pressed together. His tongue slid into my mouth. I was sure I was crying… But… I wasn't able to stop it. Not the crying and not de kissing. While his tongue circled in my mouth, the tears rolled down my cheek, and I remember Nathan consoling me, at the wedding when I had suddenly burst into tears. I remembered him wiping the tears from my cheeks with his thumbs. Nathan was still here somewhere. I pulled away from the kiss. Two guilty eyes stared back in his beautiful eyes.

"This is not a good idea. I'm sorry" I bit my lip, and I wiped the tears from my eyes. "I'm really sorry Alex, but I love Nathan. I'm sorry for leading you on. I'm sorry for lying." I sighed and wiped more tears from my cheek. "I'm sorry Alex, you seem like a really nice guy, but… I'm sorry" God that sounded lame!

"Hales!" I heard the warm familiar voice. I turned around and Nathan was at the end of the hall. Walking towards me, he looked more worried than angry. I deserved angry rather than kisses. From the both of them.

I found myself walking to Nathan. I reached him and he wrapped his arms around me. Why! I didn't deserve such… hug…..

"I'm sorry Hales, for the way I acted" He said. "The way you acted?" I asked stunned. He pulled away and sighed. "I'm sorry. I was just so angry…" I trailed off. "it's okay Hales, you had all the right to be angry. I've been an ass." He said.

I sighed and grimaced "well yah, but I'm used to it, he does kiss a lot better than you." He grinned back. "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that. C'mon Let's get out of here." I smiled and then we walked past Alex on our way out. Nathan held only and few feet away from Alex and said: "Don't you dare kissing my girl again, otherwise I might need to take her to New York with me, and then you would even be able to look at her from across the squat. You got that" Alex nodded and Nathan turned to walk away. As we went I looked back and mouthed a "Sorry" his way.

Nathan pressed a kiss on top of my head and we returned to Haley's apartment.

…….

On our way to the car I stood still as I remembered one of the reasons in came here. Haley looked at me expectantly, since we held still in the middle of the parking lot. "I love you… Haley. That's what I came to tell you…. I love you Haley James"

Her smile sparkled in the moon light. Her eyes twinkled and she sighed, then she threw her arms around my neck and had to jump for my lips. Her lips crushed down on mine. After a minute she dropped her arms and sighed again. "I love you too." She said smiling widely.

"C'mon you goof" I chuckled and wrapped my arms around her as we continued to the car.

* * *

"And here we are…"I announced as I stopped the car. We were in the woods near a lake, which held a lot of good memories for me. A lot of them wee with Peyton. Susan didn't know this, but I love coming here, so if I gave this place a good memory for her too, we could come her together.

"And where is here?" Susan asked annoyed, he was blindfolded she didn't like that. I got out of the car and opened her door, and helped her out.

I made sure everything was perfect and then walked with Susan to the perfect place. Check the scenery for the last time and them took off her blindfold. "Tada!" I said as her eyes opened and I heard her gasp.

"Luke!" she breathed. "It's so beautiful" I chuckled "I know" she nudged her elbow in my ribs. "Shh" She hissed. I led her to the pick nick cloth. The trees were dressed up with lights. Hundreds of light.

The basket with food and cider was on the cloth. Susan sat down and I opened the bottle of cider. "Why all this?" she asked still stunned. "shh" I replied and placed my finger on her lips. She chuckled. When both glasses were full, and pulled a ring from my pocket. "Dear sweet lovely, Susan Sarah Lindly, Will you Marry me?" I showed he the ring. I was delicate and pretty to my opinion. Susan gasped. I saw a tear falling from her eye. "Yes!" She sniffed. "I chuckled and smiled and laughed of happiness. "I love you" I said before kissed her more fiercely than 'd ever had. "I Love you too" she said crying happy tears now. I handed her a glass of cider and celebrated out engagement.

After the basket was empty as well as the bottle, we sat together against a tree, with our hands on her belly. She was admiring the shiny ring on her finger. "Why did you pick this place to propose to me?" She asked. I sighed and grinned. "I used to come here a lot it means a lot to me, I wanted it to mean a lot to you too." She smiled 'Thank you" She whispered. A few minutes later she had fallen asleep on my shoulder.

I pulled out my phone and dialed Haley's number. "Hey Hales" I said.

"I'm guessing she said yes?" Haley replied giggling. "Hales? I though they didn't poured alcohol at prom?" She giggled again. "Did you take him home?" There was more giggling. "Nope I stopped her before she could." Nathan answered. "Nate? You're in town? Don't you have a game tomorrow night?" Nathan chuckled. "Yeah, I'll see if I play." He relied nonchalantly. "right, I proposed to Susan."

There was a silence, and then something that sounded like a muffled argument.

"Luke… I Know Susan is pregnant and all, and that you're happy, but…" he trailed off. Again the sound off a muffled argument came through the phone. "Peyton called" Nathan said. I didn't get what that had to do with whether I married Susan or not. "she's moving to Tree Hill soon. She's staying with Brooke for now, but within a week she'd moving to Tree hill to give Brooke her privacy." I was wrong I knew that but the news of Peyton returned to town, made me feel light and joyful.

"Luke? You sure it's a good idea to marry Susan?" Haley interrupted. "Yes I'm sure love her. Peyton is a good friend nothing more. She didn't even want my help, so I don't see how this would change that!" I was a little upset with them for questioning me again.

"Okay okay if you say so…" Haley said and abruptly hung up the phone.

I sighed. Peyton was coming home. Peyton and Olivia in town. I smiled. "what's up?" Susan mumbled. Oh shit. "This…. It's so perfect." I told her. She smiled and said. "We should go home."

I nodded and helped her up and to the car. While she waited in the car I cleaned up the forest from lights.

* * *

"Olivia! Packed your suitcase and stop bothering Brooke, she has to go to work." I yelled at Olivia. I never yelled at Olivia. 'Peyton calm down, I know you not really want to go back to Tree Hill, but you can't take it out on Liv." Brooke said while she packed her bag. I sighed frustrated and threw more clothes n a suitcase. I told Haley two weeks ago, that Olivia and I were coming to Tree Hill. Simply because life in New York was too expensive.

I didn't really want to go to Tree Hill, but it was Tree Hill or New York and since New York was too expensive. "I Know" I sighed. "Sorry Liv, but go pack you things honey, our planes leaves in three hours and we still have to get there." I picked her up from the ground. "Can you pack your things and be good, for momma honey." I pressed my nose to hers. She giggled. "Momma your bruises are disappearing." She commented on the light yellow places on my arms. She pulled her finger over the spots. "I know honey, now go pack you bag." I putted her down on the floor. She hugged Brooke and then disappeared to our bedroom.

Tears rolled silently over my cheeks, as I hugged Brooke goodbye. "I love you B. Baker" I chuckled. "Good luck with the baby." I winked at Julian who was standing behind her. "I love you too, P Sawyer." I smiled and wiped he tears from my cheeks. "I'll call you when I get there, now go to your work, goof" Brooke sighed. "I'm going to miss you" She pouted. I giggled. "Pull yourself together B. Baker. I'm going to be fine." She smiled. Julian came standing beside her. "I'll call I promise." I said before I, walked out with my suitcase. Brooke got in her car, Julian kissed her goodbye.

"Liv? Are you done?" I called as I walked back inside with Julian. 'I'm done Momma." She said skipping from the bedroom.

"Good Julian would you mind getting her suitcase." Julian nodded. Brooke was really lucky with a guy like that. I wished a could find a guy like that. I really thought I'd found one, when I met Mark. When I told Lila the story. She asked whether I wasn't really angry with Lucas. I realized that if it wasn't for him I would now be happily married. Instead of returning to Tree Hill against my wishes.

"thanks" I aid taking ove the suitcase from Julian. I gave him an a little awkward hug, with suitcase in my hand. "thank you, take care of Brooke for me." I smiled. "I will, Take care of yourself Peyton. You can't fight everyone off." I nodded. "Come Liv," the girl skipped to my car. "Bye" I said before turning and walking after Olivia. "Tree Hill, Here we come" I mumbled, as I shut the trunk. "Let's go" I stepped in the car, turned o the radio. I started the engine and drove off.

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Okay, that's it. please complain al you want, i might wanna screw things up badly, but i'm also a sucker for Happy endings! Complain all you want i love reading it!.  
Love & Laughter Philine


	9. I've not Answers, I shall have Questions

_**Hey, You should all know you can mentally hit and kick me for not update more often! i've just been so busy that i forget.. So this chapter.. is A little jump in time.. i supose i keep jumping when thing don't really work as i want them.. so It's a BIG surpise fro all my Leyton fans.. **_

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Chapter 9. I Have No Answers, but I Shall Have Question

I'm not sure what happened. Brooke would have told me it was a good thing. I was mostly worried and hurt, confused and rather … Disappointed.

"Luke…. You're getting married in like two hours" I mumbled, breathlessly. I could feel the tears swell in my eyes that very moment. He was getting married in two hours. With Susan, why was I feeling this way. She gave birth to their child two months ago.

My breathing got heavier and heavier. I'm not sure if it was hyperventilation, but it wasn't good.

"Olivia is waiting for me." I mouthed, not able to stop breathing long enough to get an actual sound out of my mouth.  
"Peyton.. I know it shouldn't have come to this, but… Before I do this I need to know it." Lucas said, his voice trembling. He was clearly nervous. Was he actually asking me, whether he should marry her?

While he'd acted to gentlemanly, and as a good friend, to a single mom. He was asking me this as if he wouldn't marry her if I didn't want him to. Did he still love me? Would I actually be always his everything? Was I…..

Teardrops, rolled over my cheek. "Tell me Peyton. You know I've-" My head snapped up. "Don't you say it." I was out of breath. "Don't you dare. I let you go, so you could be happy. I married misery, for you. So you would be save. Don't you dare telling me. You love me. You Love Susan. You're the father of her child for god sakes!" I had raised my hand, and my hand smashed to the surface of his face. "Peyton. I know I've been … I know I've acted like your friend, acted to be happy. But the truth is ever since you returned to Tree Hill, my heart has ached for you. All I wanted was you. I feel like ever since I saw you at the airport for Brookes wedding. Something had just been keeping you a little out of my reach. Close enough so smell, close enough to hear, but never within reach of touching."

He reached out. "Are you within reach Peyton?" I bit my lip. I was resisting the urge to step forward. To let him wipe the tears from my eyes. To let him stroke my lips. To let him take my breath away. To throw my arms around his neck and let him hold me. All those urges I suppressed, for the 10 months I'd been in Tree Hill. The words to explain, weren't there because I didn't understand. Tears streaming down my cheeks, burned on my skin, I was aching for Lucas to wipe them from my eyes.

"Peyton" He whispered. "Lucas" I whispered back. "How did we get here? How come, we got so screwed up that you have to ask me if I love you, the day before you're marrying someone else." Finally he reached out like he found some sort of answer in my words. His fingers smoothing the skin underneath my eyes. His piercing blue eyes locked on mine. Both his hand positioned on both sides of my head. My heart pouding faster and faster as his face came closer. I closed my eyes.

I felt the sudden warmth and smoothness of his lips on mine. I replied eagerly to his kiss, deepening the kiss, with that part of my strength I had still control over. My hands reached up to his hair, twirling and twisting around. I broke the kiss with my last bit of strength.

"this is wrong, I want you to marry Susan." My heart broke, seeing nothing but pain in his face. "you want me, I want you" He mumbled. "You kissed me back" New tears troubled my sight. "I did, but it's not right for me to love you. You were never mine. I have no claim on you. Susan does, and she loves you and I know you love her." I rambled on until, I heard a "ahum" at the door. I chuckled. Olivia, my sweet adorable five year old daughter, as making fun of me.

She was turning into such a happy girl since we left Mark.

"Hey, Liv, you get bigger every day don't you?" Lucas remarked. His distraction was too obvious to my smart little girl. "No I don't, and don't change the subject, you were making my momma cry" She stated and sighed deep.

"You get way to smart."He told her and she smiled proudly. Oh right, Lucas and Olivia get along very well. I wiped the last tears from my eyes.

"What's wrong?" Susan asked as she walked in. "Hey, Susan aren't you suppose to be –" she shot me a look. She didn't trust me. "Out of your way, and Away from my fiancé?" She asked.

I rolled my eyes like she was over doing it. "Babe, you know what she means" Lucas replied. Susan reached out to him. Shoving Olivia out of the way. Lucas saw and stepped away. "Susan could you stop being to rude?" She looked up. "What with you suddenly? Is she Ice blowing your feet?" Like Lucas would actually leave her, because he got cold feet.

I sighed. "No, I'm not Susan, He's asking you not to hurt my daughter. You wouldn't appreciate it if I shoved Keith with buggy and all, down the street either." I snapped at her. That she acted like that to me, okay, but to my daughter not way.

She shrugged. "Stay out if it, it's none of your business." I felt such anger boiling. Suddenly I wanted to say yes to every single one of Lucas' questions. Just to show her she had nothing.

But as much as I hated her. I didn't want Olivia to grow up without a father, a didn't want that for Keith either.

"Back off, Suz. The thing Luke and I were discussing was none of your business. So get lost." Her head shot right up. _If looks could kill_, I'd be dead as a doornail.

Then she turned around and stormed out. Unusual for her.  
"Honey go back to Brooke" I told Liv, and she went.  
"Peyton you shouldn't mess with Susan like that. I know she's somewhat unreasonable but, she's just insecure, it's still two hour till the wedding.

"Should she but insecure, two hour before the wedding?" I asked, already knowing the answer.  
"I don't know, you tell me" He replied, taking a step forward. "I'll ask Liv, to keep her mouth shut. You should get ready" I said and the strode past him as fast as I could, before the new tears would fall, but outside I found out, I was fresh out of new tears.

I had to do something, right?

=0=

I walked into a room somewhere in the chapel. "Brooke" My voice sounded pained. I was pained. She looked up from the dress, she was putting the last stitches in. "Peyton" she breathed seeing the horror in my eyes. "What happened?" I closed my eyes, embracing the peace I felt. For the first time I was glad Liv hadn't listen when I told her to go to Brooke.  
"Lucas told me he wanted me." I blurted out. Brookes face went blank, it was almost funny. That was if I hadn't felt my own terror. "and ?" Brooke asked suddenly eager.

"and what?" I yelled, and was shocked by my own voice. Like I was answering such question! Of course I didn't want him. He had been pleasing me for the last 10 months. He had been messing with my head. Telling me he was happy, but wanting to do everything for me. Taking Olivia away for me so I could work. But telling me stories about his to be born son. He was… He is happy with Susan and Keith…. It seemed so surreal. So unreal that he actually told me he wanted me.

I told myself that Lucas had to be happy. I was a train wreck, I couldn't make him happy. I had the choice, I chose to let him go. I chose misery over him. I told myself in didn't love him. I didn't love him anymore. He was just my friend. Did he really have to tear open old wounds? Two hour before his wedding! Was he out of his mind!

"and what did you say?" Brooke shouted. "You told him you wanted him too right?" I sighed. "No Brooke, I told him I …. No" I felt my heart sinking, I told him no. I took a deep breath. "No, He's getting married in two hours. He has a son. I didn't want to take Olivia away from her father, that's why I married Mark. Keith can't be taken away from his father, that's why he has to marry Susan. I don't love Lucas anymore. If we were meant to be, we would be together. We're not." Why couldn't Brooke understand this? I'd told her over and over again that I didn't want him.

"Peyton do you remember what happened when you married for the wrong reasons? Or did you already forgot the years of being beat up, and crying your eyes out at night?" Brooke snapped at me. Ouch that hurt. Of course I hadn't forgotten. It was ridiculous, Susan wasn't abusive and Lucas actually loved her. 'Of course, but Lucas is in love. And Susan is a good person."

I didn't want to talk to Brooke about it.

=0=

"I love Weddings, especially when my friends get married." I said smiling. Nathan tightened his arms around me. "Me too" He kissed my neck. I moaned in delight. "Just weddings of friends?" Nathan asked.

I chucked. Nathan was such a suck up from time to time. I love his arms around me. Since our incident 10 months ago, we had been the happiness itself. I started working less. So I could be with Nathan more often. "Yeah, strangers.. that's less fun" I joked, grinning and cocking my head to the side. "Mmh" he replied. He led me in to the garden of the chapel.

It was beautiful, all the flowers. The sun cracking through the big bright white clouds. "It's so beautiful here." I spoke my thought out loud. "I love you" Nathan whispered. "I know" I smiled. His grip never loosened as he led me through the garden. Leaving kisses in my neck, whenever I turned my head to look at something. "Nathan" I whined. He smiled and pulled away from my neck.

I unwrapped myself from his arms. "Okay little vamp" I giggled. "Stop being so sticky." He rolled his eyes and grinned. You know, I want to make the best out of the little time we have." I sighed. "Nathan I practically already live with you!" I laughed, at his pout. I kissed his nose, and he started kissing me, immediately again. When I pulled away, he smiled and pulled me along further into the garden. It was so beautiful.

Nathan went to stand under a blossomed canopy. He looked handsome, with the sunlight peeking through the chinks. "Haley come here" He said beckoning me. I came to stand by his side. He grinned even wider than last time. "I love you, you know that" He said smoothing my hair. "I love you too." I smiled back. I had no idea what got into him, but whatever in was it was good. Then something in his expression changed. His face grew serious. I frightened me a little.

"Hales… For the past 2 year we've been dating and since 10 months there hasn't been a week we haven't seen each other." He began. My mind was racing. Really? He was taking me to a beautiful place, talking about how long we've been together. So either he's proposing to me or he's breaking up with me. "And I thought" He said taking a step back, his hand disappearing in his pocket. Proposal.

"Why not make it official." He pulled the little box from his pocket, and opened it. "Haley James, Will you marry me." He opened the box. A pretty, but petty ring appeared, nestled in a bed of velvet.

I moved my focus from the ring to his face. I realized I had been silent a long time and that he was getting nervous. I smiled shyly. "Marriage" I mumbled. I never thought about it. Did I want to marry him. I had been so happy. I just felt weird.  
Nathan was the guy, that ignored me during high school. The guy I was nothing to. That all changed. Now he was the guy that wanted to spend the rest of his life with me! Was he the same to me. Did I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I looked up at his nervous eyes. Beautiful and velvet.

"Yes" Of course I did. Looking into those eyes I knew that was the only thing I wanted. "Yes, I want to marry you. I want to be Mrs. Scott" I told him. A relived smile appeared on his face and it lit up. "I love you" He told. Like I didn't know that yet!

He placed the ring, the beautiful but petty ring on my finger and wrapped his arms around my waist. "I love you too." I said, happy tears in my voice. I reached up to kiss him, but instead he lifted me of my feet. He warm smooth lips touched mine. Losing all control I threw myself at Nathan.

A sudden 'ahem' brought me back to earth. "Hales? Nate?" A pained voice called. It was Peyton standing at the end of the path. "Hey, what got into you two?" she asked. As I predicted today was hard on Peyton. Harder than she'd admit.

I smiled at her. "Nathan asked me to marry him." I hoped a hadn't hurt her. Her face lit up. "You said Yes?" Peyton smiled. "Of course she did" Nathan replied with a smug grin on his face. I rolled my eyes and for a second I had to remind myself why I agreed to marry him. "I'm happy for you guys, go to Brooke and Lucas they'll be thrilled, especially Lucas" She eyed me. Of course Lucas he had been pushing my relationship with Nathan in the first place. "I'm sure he is" I smirked.

Nathan wrapped his arms around me. "We're getting married." I stated and kissed y cheek. Peyton's face fell. "Yeah, Lucas too." She mumbled and turned around and walked away. I felt bad for her it was already a hard day. Now Brooke was married and Nathan, Lucas and I were all getting married she was the only one alone. She squeezed her eyes together and turned around and ran away.

"What did I say?" Nathan asked, tightening his grip on me. "She's alone and Lucas is getting married.

=0=

Haley just yelled at me for the past hour. So there was really just an hour before the wedding. I was all dressed, but my feet were ice cold. Peyton's words had made me think about my life. And weather this was the life I wanted. Peyton thought it was, and she made a mistake. Wasn't I making the same mistake. I was pacing through the room, when Lilly bounced into the room. "Hey Lucas" I said. She was followed by my mom and Keith. My mom bounced Keith on her hip. I smiled at my son, and reached out to take him from her. "Hey Boy" He was suddenly the only reason I would marry Susan. My mom looked at me with a knowing smile. "Not a very smart move Lucas" She smiled sympathetically. I chuckled bitterly. "I'm a real screw up" I mumbled. Karen raised her eyebrow. "Oh, my son. I wish I could help you choose, but right now I'm just as lost." I admitted. Great the one person with good advise hadn't any. "But I think you should marry her today." I nodded in understanding.

"Since I met Susan I told myself I was over Peyton. That we both moved on and here I am, an hour for wedding, still stuck with Peyton in my head. Worse wishing I was marrying Peyton." I sighed. I was unbelievably pathetic!

I looked my son in his eyes. "I'm sorry little man." And then looked up at my mom. "Could you go find Peyton for me?" I had finally decided what to do. Finally I knew what to do. I and was going to stick to it. "Of course." She replied. "come on, Lil" she took Keith over from me and left the room.

I hung the jacket I was wearing over a chair.

=0=

Haley had been yelling at the bathroom door, ever since Lucas told her what he had told me, and she had yelled at him. I was sure she'd be a bridezilla!

"Haley leave me alone! It's not my fault, go yell at Lucas some more!" I rolled my eyes and chuckled at the complete confused look on Liv's face. I forgot why I had even taken her with me in here. "I know honey, momma's gone crazy" I winked at her. "and so is aunt Haley" She grinned.

"Auntie Haley?"she called out. The muffled yelling stopped. "Olivia?" She asked surprised. "Yes, would you mind not yelling at momma, so she can go home?" It was silent. Then suddenly "Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer you did not take your daughter in there and you're not going home!" She yelled. Olivia and I giggled. "Aunt Haley has gone more than crazy mommy" Liv stated. I chuckled. "I heard that stop making fun of me!" Haley yelled.

"Haley?"another muffled voice called. "have you seen Peyton?" I sighed, and guess what she was about to say. "Seen No, but I know where she is." Exaggerating the last part of the sentence, toward the door. "I'm in here Karen, could you please free me from Haley?" I whined Haley growled, Olivia giggled. I would recognize Karen's voice anywhere, she meant so much to me. "Of course, Haley Nathan is in the garden waiting for you to be done yelling at Lucas and Peyton." She said with a gentle voice. Haley sighed deeply. "Fine" she said and I heard her strode away.

"You can come out." Karen called. I putted Olivia to her feet and opened the door. "Hi" I sort of apologized. She just smiled. "Luca wants to see you." She stated. I sighed and raised my eyebrow. "you saved me from the wolf, to bring me to the lion's den?" I asked skeptically. She just nodded. "Great" I muttered. "I'll watch Olivia for you." I rolled my eyes. "gee thanks!" and I considered running the other way when I was around the corner. But that seemed just childish. So no other option than to go to the lion's den.

"Luke?" I sighed deeply, when I entered without knocking, hoping to find something to give me a reason to run out. Be instead I found Lucas I a chair, waiting for me. "Great" I mutter under my breath. I chuckled at the disappointment in y face. Okay that's just scary! I thought to myself.

He stood up. "I'm sorry Peyton, for everything, the last time we were at this point…, the ball was in your court, and I wished everyday you did something else than you did. But now I understand why you did. Being in your shoes makes me see why you decided to do what you did…" He faded to silence. "Great" I said, not sure what else to say.

"but that doesn't mean that I would do the same you did. Because what you did, didn't end well." He said… "I didn't end, I'm still alive I'm surviving." He took a few steps forward. "exactly, you're surviving your marriage, it should be like that…. " He trailed off. He kept doing that.

"Your point??" I tried to get this over with. "oh right My point. Uuh, I'm not marrying Susan today, I'm not. I've fooled myself telling everyone otherwise. But I truth, my heart never stopped aching for you Peyton." I took a deep breath and so did he.

"if you can't live with it now, then I'll wait till you can. I love you. Now we're so close, almost within reach I'm not stepping back." His word kept, echoing in my head. They were giving me a headache. "Okay I need…f-fre—fresh air." I was shaking. I was sure that if I didn't get out now I would be fainting within seconds. I turned around. "I'll wait." He said and placed his hand on my shoulder. That was it, my legs melted and I dropped to the ground while my sight disappeared, my eyes closed and voice became blurs. Thank god! I was out.

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Ta da!! yeay! I know! it's so so so... Well typical! Yep okay just review and i"ll be happy.. I hope you're too Yelling at me for not updating i deserve.


	10. It doesn't repeat itself then at least

**This chapter called If it doesn't repeat itself then it'll at least chase us, will be very complex and at some point a little confused it took me like a month to write in in it's compleet, and because I had to stop so many times I got sidetracked and totally lost my point of view.. it's all Peyton POV I believe. It's partially dream frequence and partially flashback (these are different in the dreamfrequence she's flashback, to explain to you why she must be dreaming, and then there like 1 sentence is real world.. just so you know.  
personally I love this chapter ... chapter 3 will be better. It seems a very strange start at first if you hve the end of chapter 9 in mind but just keep reading. I love it I hope ypou love it too. and let me know.. I love my work to be praised! (critics are welcome too always)  
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**Love and Light Philine **

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Chapter 10. If it doesn't Repeat itself, It'll at least Chase Us.

"Lucas…." I mumbled, I was standing in my apartment, in the bathroom. Lucas had just walked in. I was dreaming right? Because I had just finished my shower, and was wearing next to nothing and as wrong as it was, so was he. "Lucas what are you doing..Here" god he was looking hot.

It was wrong to think like that right? "I want you Peyton I told you, I'd do anything for you!" I wanted to speak because I finally needed to say it. I had been straining myself from it. "I love you too" I found my feet moving forward. He was standing in his underwear. I reached out and dropped my towel. He reached out to me.

I had missed being in someone arms like that. In his arms like that. I had missed him. He wrapped his arms around me, I giggled. I laid my arms around his neck, and reached up to kiss him. He was more that eager to replied to the kiss. He scooped me up and carried me to my bed. I had suddenly no idea where my daughter was. And other piece of evidence that I was probably dreaming.

He laid me down on the bed en sighed. I smiled I reached out to him and pulled him down on me, closing my eyes. He laid his lips down on mine, one hand in my neck the other one on my naked hip.  
I stroke my hand over his back to his buttocks, slipping my hand into his boxers. He moaned and I giggled. Capturing my lips in a kiss, he stopped me from telling him I loved him.

I started to doubt, the reality of this... because no way in the world that Lucas would actually stop me from saying that I loved him. On the other hand.. I never had a wet dream about Lucas... i must have sunken real deep.

He nibbled on my ear. I cupped his face with my hands and pulled his face in front of mine. "Stop it." I tried to be serious, but I was really having a hard time not to giggle. "You sure?" He asked, staring to kiss my neck, leaving kisses on my collarbone. I took his face between my hands again and pulled it back up to face me. "Yes, No cut it out, what are you doing here" I told him keeping me face straight. He pulled my sheets around us as he grabbed my face and pulled me on top of him.

His hands on my back, he pulled tight onto him. I sighed, not in defeat but frustration, he wasn't telling me anything which meant i was dreaming and that it was a wet one! How frustrated the last thing I remembered between us was that horrible day at the chapel, that day was now about two and a half weeks ago. His wedding.........

"Lucas, you have to stop it. You can't wait for me!" I wanted him to know this and to get it! "I'm not yours, I'm nobody's, not now and not ever!" He rolled his eyes. "you don't se yourself very clear do you?" I chuckled. I slapped him. "Lucas, have you even told Susan you're not marrying her?" I said sarcastically. I turned around and walked out. In the hall Karen, Haley, Nathan, Brooke, Julian Susan, in wedding dress, and the children, were running in my direction with fear in their eyes.

"What's wrong?" I asked and with these words, apparently they were loud, Lucas came out of the room. I saw Susan's face go blank. A second later it flashed anger. Haley stumbled. "Mark, is here." Olivia hovered at my side, when she said his name. "and?" I asked. I hadn't spoken him since... well since the day I packed up my stuff and left. "He has a gun." She stated and then pushed me into the room and locked the door when everyone was inside. I think I was in shock, when I came to my senses Haley was franticly waving her hand in front of me.

What happened after that is still not very clear, people say that when you're in a really dangerous situation, your adrenaline level is so high, that it keeps your mind from saving the memories.. Something like that. I'm quite sure that's what happened. Because there was this black after Haley waved her hand in front of me. Then the next thing I knew, Mark was standing in the room. White heated anger on his face, a gun to Haley head. Apparently she had been standing close to the door. Nathan's face flashed fear.. No total panic.

"step back!" he yelled, I think in particularly Nathan. Olivia was clutched to my leg. My mother instinct started to work and I took with Olivia a step back, Lucas, I noticed, hovered at my side.I the back was Karen with Lilly and Keith. Liv had to go there.

"Sit down all of you... NOW" He yelled. He pressed the gun tight to Haley's head, she whimpered. We all took a step back, and sat down in the back of the room. I pushed Olivia in Karen's direction and made eye contact with her. She nodded and pulled Liv close to her and Lilly while she tried to smooth baby Keith in her arms. Brooke was neatly tucked under Julian protecting arm. When we were all settled on the floor, her threw Haley at the floor, she was caught by Nathan who tucked her under his arm and Mark pointed the gun at the group.

At first this made me 'happy', because Haley wasn't direct victim of my mistakes. On the other hand he could easily kill anyone of these, by me loved people.

"So" He said, like he had settled that very well. "back to business." He threw me a look. I had seen that one coming. "Peyton" He smiled gleefully. "I knew i could find you here, you always return to this god awful town sooner or later." I heard Susan scoff at this commented and say: "Sure she put us in this mess." I ignored it. It was after all my fault. "you thing are actually very simple. I already got what I want right here. His eyes rolled over the group, and stopped at the beautiful innocent face of my little girl. "My daughter." The gleeful smile on his face gave me the chills. "Great take her a let us go" Susan muttered. Luca hissed at her behind me. "No way, You stay away from her, you've hurt her enough!" I yelled at him at shot my best death glare at Susan. She had gone too far, what kind of mother is she, any mother know you don't scarifies your child like that.

He ignored me completely, but point the gun at my head. "Liv darling, If you want your mommy to live you come with me." He said. I was stunned. Of course Olivia would come with him. She loved me. I know that if I asked her not to, she would do it anyway. She had seen me getting hit, she would want me to be hurting. I was afraid that when I turned my head she would see my pain and fear and that she would come with him. "Chop chop, haven't got time for sentimental goodbyes." Olivia got to her feet. I knew Karen wouldn't stop her. I heard her tiny footsteps on the wooden floorboards. Suddenly I felt her tiny hand on my shoulder and she stepped in front of me. I gasped as she stretched her arms, to protect me. "Ahh, isn't that adorable." Mark chuckled scornfully.

I wrapped my arms tightly around my daughter, and pulled her down on the lap. "Liv please don't" I pressed a kissed to the top of her head. He cursed, a lot. Then another blank, is filling my mind. I'm not sure what happened. This time the blank is bigger.

The next thing I knew, were just flashes. Susan in white anger, Lucas' arms wrapped around me and Olivia, The aching pain in my heart, his lips on my shoulder. Another blank fills my memory.

Then noise. Brookes phone bleeps. Brooke had texted, someone about what was going on and that person replied. Mark noticed the phone and pointed his gun at Brooke. He made Brooke shove her phone through the room to him. Brooke love her phone, and he picked it up and threw it in pieces at the wall. He waves his gun at me and Olivia again. "Liv baby, time to go." He removed the safety splint from the gun. It clicked. I tightened my arms around my daughter. "Never" I said in calm voice.

"Never, is today baby." I chuckled. "You got two choices, to make this interesting. One, You let Olivia go, or Two, You and Olivia come, and I won't hurt any of your friends, Lucas for instance." He nodded towards Lucas' secured arm around me. The arm the was burning my skin ever since I noticed it there. I ignored his comments on Lucas and stood up, with Olivia in my arms. Of course I would take myself away from everything and everyone I loved for my daughter. I had done it before. He wrapped an arm around me. I heard several people behind me whimper. Brooke and Haley my two best friends.

This was again a adrenaline black out of my mind, but the next few flashes kind of prove my theory on the adrenaline thing.

I remembered a pulling force on my shoulder as I followed Mark to the door. I remembered Mark spinning around, pointing the gun. I Remembered seeing Mark pulled the trigger. I remember being pushed to the ground. I remember a shot and I remember dropping to my knees besides Lucas.

Which is by the way another piece of evidence for the dream theory, to get back to that. Lucas couldn't be in my bed.

My mind went completely blank for at least an hour, after feeling the pain of seeing Lucas catch a bullet for me.

My memory wakes up in the hospital. Where I found a little Olivia clutched to my arm when I woke up. The doctors told me I went out because of shock. I suppose they were right, if my memory could do that then why not my body. My dad was sitting at my side. He smiled at me as I looked up at him. "hey girl, Why didn't you tell what happened between you and Mark." He asked. I never told him Mark and I were divorced. I sighed heavily. Liv was sleeping. "I was ashamed." I stated, my head turned red as he held Lucas' book up. Summer dreams. "Peyton?"He wanted to know.

"Stupid I know! I sighed. I yet he caught a bullet for you on his wedding day." Larry stated. Right! That was is Lucas caught a bullet for me. "How is he?" I asked worried. Would he be... dead? No i could fix this. I started crying before he could tell me how he was. What had I done. I ruined his life. I panicked. Then there was a knock on the door. Karen. "You're awake." She stated. Larry nodded to her and took Liv from the bed. "No" I reached out to Olivia. "It's okay honey, you should talk to Karen." He said.

I looked guilty into her eyes. She should hate me. I ruined her sons life. She chuckled, apparently I didn't look guilty just bewildered. "I should hate you, you know." She said. 'should' she said 'should' that means she doesn't. I thought. "but you make Lucas unbelievably happy, even if it costs him his life.... he'd give it for you." She smiled. "why was she smiling? That wasn't a good thing. I took his life! Me and my stupid selfish reckless decisions." I thought.

I sighed I probably looked miserable of guilt. "He's okay, Peyton. He's awake and smiling and.." She chuckled "Asking for you." My face had lit up when I heard he was alive. "He's okay?" I asked to be sure. I still didn't get why Karen was smiling, it wasn't like i was so good to him. I had only made him miserable through the years. The last time I actually and him happy was in high school. That was a long time ago. "Peyton, I don't hate you. I can see that you feel like I should." I wished she'd stopped smiling.

"You should, he should! I exclaimed. "I mean, I've made his life miserable." Karen finally stopped smiling. "Peyton surprisingly he cancelled his wedding, with the mother of his new born son, because he_ loves_ you." And the smile was back. "He always has and he always will. I know you've had a hard year, and I'm not going to tell you what to do, but he really wants to see you." She winked at me and turned around and left.

I rolled my eyes sighed, "Karen" I called out. She poked her head around the corner. "will you take me to him?" I asked defeated. "I don't think so." Brooke walked in. "Your kiddo... Peyton is waiting for you, and the doctor thinks for good to go.." I nodded and hugged Brooke as she approached. "I'm sorry" She said. "I shouldn't have send the text." Like this was Brookes fault. "Brooke, It was _my_ ex-husband for as far as I remember that walked into the chapel with a gun." Brooke smiled. "I know P. Sawyer. You truly suck." She winked. I chuckled, "Okay, give me my kid, and get me out of here." Brooke jumped up. "Good, I'll be right back!" and she bounced out of the room.

Karen looked at me. "How is she not shaking on her legs?" I asked. Karen chuckled, and flopped on the foot end of the bed. "Honey you've been out for 24 hours. Brooke was shaking, but she got a couple hours of sleep, not out of free will – Julian made her – So now she bouncing again." I sat up, and took Karen hand. "I'm sorry" I said. I lacked words to explain how guilty I actually felt.

"Stop apologising and stop saying you're sorry!" Karen exclaimed. "It's done. Stop it. Have peace with it move on. Mark in arrested and will soon be in prison." I closed my eyes and flopped back onto the pillow. "Fine" I sighed. Karen pated my hand "Okay I'm going to go." I sat back up and waved her out of the room, as Brooke bounced back in with wheelchair.

"Gee, Brooke, I went knock out, I didn't have a baby or surgery." She smiled wickedly. "I know..." I helped myself out of bed. "Brooke can I have a minute?" Brooke sighed annoyed. "Sure sure, just get ready.. chop chop!" and she bound out of the room. Peyton groaned and pulled her clothes on. Before Peyton could put her coat on, Brooke was back – With wheelchair. "Get your skinny ass, in this chair right now." She ordered. Peyton groaned, and passed Brooke and her wheel chair.

Outside the room, Olivia was waiting for me. "Momma!" she ran at me and hugged me tightly. My father was waiting with her. Although they were there, it felt like something was missing. They brought me home, and was put to bed, Liv, cuddled up beside me.

Can you still remember where I stared telling you. No I kind of lost it too. Right, I was still pretty sure I was dreaming when Lucas showed up naked in my bathroom , because, like I just told you, I hadn't seen Lucas since he got shot because of me. Like I said I was dreaming because Lucas couldn't be in my bed, he was still in the hospital.

Lucas kissed my lips and I wanted to kiss him back, but suddenly kissed into nothing. I shot right up in my bed. "Ouch, my head." I groaned. Olivia was sleeping next to me. "Like I

thought, dreaming." I thought.

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**and ? totally confusing ? absolutly great? Sucks? I loved it I hoped you did too just let me know  
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**Philine**


	11. I'll Ask Him, but I've Got My Doubts

**AUTOR'S NOTES: **_I understood there was a lot of confusion after the last chapter. this was the deal. Peyton was asleep, and she was dreaming of Lucas in her bathroom, and then she was thinking back of what else happened at the wedding, and why tht was a reason she was dreaming and this wasn't real (the dream) and then she woke up and the dream of Lucas in her bathroom was indeed a dream but the story of the wedding and the shooting was real. Clearer? Anyway here the next chapter that wil make it better I hope, it's called I'll ask him but i've got my doubts. _

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Chapter 11. I'll ask him, but I've got my doubts.

I got up and made Olivia breakfast. I was a little bewildered, after that night. That dream was weird. I supposed it was because of everything that happened the last few days. After Lucas told me he changed his mind and didn't want to marry Susan. Then Mark burst in and pointed a gun at me. I had to be traumatised after seeing Lucas get shot and fainting. No wonder I dreamed such strange thing, the night after. I mean, wet dreams weren't my usual topic.

I placed the dirty dished in the dishwasher and turned it on. Olivia was watching television, so I had some time to get dressed myself. I informed Liv about this and undressed to take a shower. I turned on the hot water and stepped in. Pretty soon i had forgotten about everything. I had been in serious need of a shower. When the water started to go cold and turned in off, and pulled a towel from the radiator, beside the shower. I wrapped myself in the towel, and wrapped my hair in one. As I stepped out of the bathroom, I heard the blaring voice of morning cartoons. I smiled, Liv seemed fine in spite of everything that happened.

I went into my bedroom, an dropped the towel n search for my underwear. As I retrieved it and putted it on, I heard Olivia's voice. She was chattering enthusiastic. I stepped into a pair of jeans and smiled. She was still that happy cheerful little girl she always was. Then I realized, she was _talking_.

To who was she talking! I pulled an v-neck from my closet and pulled in over my head, while I headed out my bedroom. When I entered my living room, Olivia was jumping on my couch, while she tried to explain something to him. Lucas. He was standing in my living room, arms crossed chuckled at her story.

I gasped and stopped in my tracks. "Olivia come from that couch young lady." I said. Liv let herself fall onto the couch and walking pouting with her tale between her legs to her bedroom. She got the whole clue just by the tone of my voice. She was such a smart girl. As she passed I patted her shoulder.

"Hi" I wasn't so good with these things. "Hey" he stammered, "Can I sit down?" he asked, motioning. "Oh yes, of course, why are you out of the hospital?" I asked, avoiding with all the conversation he'd come for. "I was released this morning , I asked Haley and Nathan to drive me here." I sighed, stubborn stubborn stubborn. "We need to talk Peyton... Nothing has changed since I told you in that chapel. I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Yes, It has proved it's not save, fort none of you. You got nearly killed!" I tried to keep my voice down for Liv's sake but it was very hard, not to get upset.

"No I didn't I threw myself in front of a bullet for you, the least you can do is kiss me" He smirked. Why! Got he was so annoying sometimes. "You're over rating yourself, that bullet was meant for you." I snapped. Ouch, I regretted it the moment I said it. He flinched but composed quickly.

"Sorry." I mumbled. He sighed and got up from the couch. "Peyton, Please?" I sat down in a chair, hoping he'd sit down again. He didn't. He took my hand and tried to pulled me up from the chair, despite my resistance. I could feel my blood rush to my cheeks as he touched my face.  
He smiled and my heart rate accelerated. 'Breath Peyton." Still smiling. I breathed again. "Lucas, everything that happened is the proof that we are trouble together."

"Or it's the proof that we are trouble separately." He tried to pulled me up again , this time I let him he seemed in pain. He took my face in his hands and I closed my eyes. It felt good to be so close to him again. When his lips finally met mine, I felt better than I had felt in a long time. If he hadn't been holding me I would have collapsed right there. Because I also felt suddenly a lot more tired. When he released my head and laid it down on his shoulder, I felt his arms around me. I'd given up the struggle. I had given in.

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After everything that week, after trying so hard to convince myself otherwise, after trying to convince Peyton, three four five times. I finally had what I had wanted for so long. Her lips on mine. Everything I love between my hands.

I was never going to let her go. I wrapped my arms tightly around her as she laid her head to rest on my shoulder. Kissed her hair and sniffed up her significant scent. "I love you." I told her.

She lifted her head, and stared at me knowingly. "go rest." She ordered. I rolled my eyes and kissed her. "If I wasn't fine the doctors wouldn't have let me go."

"You've never been okay. Now sit down." She giggled and set me down on her couch.

"Okay now I've got One last question…" I said. She sighed. "What?" she was somewhat amused. "Will you come with me in a journey through Europe?" She swallowed and said: "What about Liv, she needs to go to school." I plant another kiss on the nose. "we'll ask Nathan and Haley to take care of her for a month.. will be good practice."  
She wasn't convinced. "Will we be back before their wedding?"

"Of course, I'm Nathan's Best man, and for as far as I know you are Haley's maid of honor." I smiled. "I am?" She asked, then I noticed Liv, standing in the corner of the room. "Hey," I beckoned her to come. "Do you think it's a good idea, if I borrow for Mommy, for a month? You stay with Aunt Haley?"

Olivia smiled, and nodded. "See?" She lifted the girl from her feet and kissed Peyton. "You'll come."

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"I need Brooke." Haley paced through her apartment. I watched her amused. "Julian darling I don't care, what you think. I NEED BROOKE!" I chuckled. Haley had freaked out on all the things that needed to happen if we wanted to get married in a month, so panicked she'd called Brooke.

"Just give her the damn phone already!" The steam came practically from her ears. "NOW!" She hissed.

I stood up from the couch. "Babe, give me the phone." Annoyed Haley hand me over the phone. "Hey Julian, … Yes I know, I'm sorry man, …. Yes could you do that? .. Great bye" I hung up the phone.  
"what!" she shrieked. "why did you do that!"

"They were, busy.. with well you know. She'll call you in a couple of hours." I told her. Julian had been trying to tell Haley, in a subtle way that he and Brooke were trying to have a baby, but when Haley wanted something she was a little clueless. "Come, well go see how Peyton and Lucas are."

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A week later, Lucas and I landed at London Heathrow. After a tiring long flight, and five hours of time deference. I flopped exhausted on the bed in the hotel. "Argh jetlag" I groaned. Lucas chuckled. "It's much worse on our way back, then you do 6 hours again, we'll be flying home from Schiphol Amsterdam Airport. That six hours later than home.

"Looking forward to it." I said mocking. "Go sleep." He ordered. I grinned. "You didn't really think I flew all the way to London, to sleep?" He smiled. "You better, or that's the only thing you'll be doing for the next week." He said and pulled her shirt of his head. "I'm going to take a shower." So unfair. I grinned and as he disappeared into the bathroom I pulled my own shirt over my head, and dropped my pants. I tiptoed in my underwear into the bathroom when Lucas stepped into the shower.

The hot water steam, billowed from the shower, I checked my face and hair in the mirror and dropped my underwear. I pulled my hair up, and stepped into the shower, wrapping my arms around his waist. "Aah Peyton." He moaned. "You didn't really think I was going to let you get naked without me, did you?" I giggled, he chuckled in response. "Of course not." He turned around in my arms and I reached up to kiss him. "Silly" I cooed. He swayed me around so I was fully underneath the hot water, which included my oh so carefully pulled up hair. "Aah! Luke" I slipped in the slippery shower and Lucas caught me. I wrapped my arms carefully but firmly around his neck, as he wrapped his arms tightly around my waist.

"God I missed this" Lucas whispered. "Like we ever showered together before…" I tickled him.  
"Okay let me rephrase that I missed you" I crushed my lips to his. When I pulled away I saw the red colored spot on his chest. I moved my fingers over the wound, while guilt filled me, and my eyes. Lucas took my face between his hands. "It's okay Peyton. It's my reminder of how much I love you." I sighed in turned my eyes down. He pressed a kiss to my forehead. "I love you."'

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"Finally!" I called out. "How long do you need to have sex!" there was a silent moment. "what do you want Haley" Brooke snapped. I frowned I didn't mean to upset her. "I'm sorry." I mumbled. Brooke sighed. "It's okay.. it's just that Julian and I have been trying to have a baby for so long and it just I won't … you know" I sighed poor Brooke, she had been trying for so long. "I wondered if you could help me with my wedding, because we want to get married in a month. Nathan has to get back to New York next week and I don't know where to start and since you did such a good job on your own wedding….?" Brooke chuckled. "Of course but can't Peyton help she's done it."

Brooke didn't know Peyton was In Europe with Lucas, no one knew except for me, Nathan and Liv. "Peyton is in Europe." I told her, trying not to make a big deal out of it. Hoping she wouldn't pick up on it. She did. "What? Why?" Brooke exclaimed. I snickered. "Calm if I tell you will you promise to help me?" If she was to find out , I'd better take what I could get myself.  
"Fine!" Brooke exclaimed and urged for me to tell more. "Lucas asked her if she'd come with him, she agreed. They arrived in London last night. That's all" I explained.

"That's all? The last I heard they weren't even talking because Peyton still felt guilty." Brooke shouted. I snickered "It's nothing, but I need your help."

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"Peyton come on! Please?" I begged her but it didn't seem like I was making progress. "Really Luke, you seriously what to go in here!" She protested frustrated, stabbing her finger toward Shakespeare's Globe theatre. "Peyton please? After that I'll take you shopping?" Lucas blinked and stared at her with puppy eyes. "I'm not Brooke, I'm not that easy to persuade you know." She said trying to hide a smile. She wasn't doing a very good job. "I didn't say what we were shopping" I tried.

"Oh, and what might that be?" She asked grinning. I griped her shoulders and turned her around. I pulled her back close to me and whispered in her ear. "Come with me and find out." Peyton sighed and groaned frustrated. "Argh Fine." I kissed her cheek. "Thank you." I wrapped my arm around her waist, and led her toward the entrance.

"If you keep asking these thing s to do you might end up in the Netherlands alone, you know." She noted. "I might" Pressing a kiss on her head, we went inside. "You might."

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**Okay! This is it! (tht sounds lke the Michael Jackson film... ) The globe is indeed a Museum/ theatre in London... I've been there i figured it was a good place for Lucas to want to go... It's really awesome btw, I had a workshop there and we've been to the museum side as well (me and my clasemates I went with school) One of my teachers totally bought out the entire gift shop, (they have this awesome poster called quoting Shakespear, with "If you say it's greek to me that you're quoting Shakespear... Etc." I bought it for my sister.  
Anyway more of London in the next Chapter... also a lot of the Netherland, since i'm from the Netherlands I figured that be fun, since every one have such prejudiced about the Netherlands and Amsterdam... so Well about this chapter, Beter to understand? I hope so... asked if you got questions review always welcome.**

Love philine

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	12. Europe Tour on flipflops

**Hi, Sorry it took so long to update! I was, even though i was thrilled to write, i little bother by my writers block and lack of time. Now i'm ill, caught a cold or so, don't feel teriffic so i figuered why not finish this chapter you've al waited for so long. good luck PLEASE READ CLOSING NOTE!**

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Chapter 12. Europe Tour on flip-flops

"So you had fun with Shakespeare?" I asked him smugly. Lucas chuckled, "Almost as much fun as you will have." Lucas wrapped an arm around my waist and kissed me. We walked along the Themes, amused by the many people trying to make money off tourists. It was surprisingly warm for England, the sun shone high on the sky, and the wind blew a soft cooling breeze through the city. Walking hand-in-hand along the Themes I felt indescribably peaceful, a way I hadn't felt in a long time. For a short moment I wished I had taken Liv, but that passed.

"So what's next?" I asked – with the shopping promise in the back on my head – as he slowed his casual pace. "How about lunch?" He suggested grinning. "What?" I asked suspiciously. I knew that grin to good, he had something in mind. "Where?" I asked. We could get a bagel somewhere, and keep walking, the weather was nice and my feet were fine. Although I regretted wearing flip-fops. I pulled a bottle of water from my bag, and handed it to Luke. "Here." I pulled another one from my bag and set the bottle to my mouth. I took a few sips and put the cap back on the bottle. "So where are we headed." We walked over Westminster Bridge. "Everywhere." Lucas replied, chuckling. I rolled my eyes and sighed, till he pulled me into a little cafe. "What do you want?" He asked as the motioned toward the board. "A bagel smoked chicken, and a coffee." He nodded and went the buy me lunch, as my phone bleeped. A text from Brooke.

"Y didn't U TL me about U & Luke in London!" I chuckled. And texted her back. "didn't TL any1 just NH Bc they watch Liv." I turned off my phone. Lucas came back with a plastic bag with our lunch. I held my had up to retrieve it but he made no move that indicated he was planning on handing me my lunch. "What?" I asked. "Not yet" He said and kissed me gently on my lips. "Come." I rolled my eyes, but took his hand and followed.

* * *

A few minutes later we landed in the grass in the middle of St. James' Park. I sighed and lay back in the grass. I lay the for a minute or what quietly enjoying the nature in the middle of this beautiful city. "You okay Peyton?" Lucas asked. I opened my eyes and smiled.

"It's perfect, now I want my lunch" I sighed deeply and then flashed a grin. He chuckled and handed me my bagel. "Oh looks good." I leaned over pretending to get my coffee and pulled him in for a kiss. "Mmm" He moaned quietly, as I pulled away. "You welcome" and I picked up my coffee.

"Agh, you suck." He muttered when started to eat instead of kissing him some more.  
I suppressed a giggle. "Uh, Brooke texted me. Guess Haley finally got a hold of her." I said.  
Lucas took a bit of his bagel, and said "Yeah, She called me too, why I hadn't told her that I'd taken off with you." I nodded. "Yes to me too."

I Flashed my happy smile at him, he leaned forward and pulled my into a passionate kiss. His soft lips caressed mine and I lost control over myself, dropping my bagel and coffee, in the grass and placed my hand on his cheeks.

When I pulled away to catch a breath, Lucas chuckle. 'Guess, now we'll have to get you a new lunch."

"Naw, I got you as lunch much better." I winked.

* * *

I was making lists to make sure a wasn't going to forget anyone of the thing Brooke named that needed to happen. But now I'd made so many lists that I had forgotten what was on which list and where I'd left the list. The whole kitchen counter of my apartment was full of paper, either applications or lists.

I was looking for the one of the reception, in particular the guest list. Brooke had promised that she and Julian would come back to Tree Hill, and stay there till the wedding. So I was also looking for the receipt of the Hotel reservation, I made for the two of them.

I rushed through all the papers as the bell rang. "Damn it!" I dropped my only neatly stashed pile of papers. I sighed and went to open the door.

"Susan!" I was surprised to see her here. I hadn't seen her since the wedding. "What are you doing here?" Susan chuckled. "Well that's a warm welcome."

"Sorry, I'm glad to see you." I stepped back so she could enter. She wheeled the stroller with Keith in it inside. "So, what brings you around?"

Susan sighed. "Lucas, have you seen him? He was suppose to pick up Keith today, and he didn't. He's not home or at Karen's." Keith fuzzed a little. "I was about to try Peyton's, but I wasn't sure that was a good idea."

I motioned for her to sit down, and poured her a cup of coffee. "Uh, I hate It that Lucas didn't bother to tell you this. It's really argh! I could kill him for it. But uuh, he's in London, right now." I tried to leave out that he went with Peyton, but she was going to find out anyway. "He went to London?" She asked, then the door opened and Nathan came in with Liv. "We're back" Nathan announced and then saw us. "Oh, hi Susan. You here to showcase my nephew?" Susan had her eyes on Liv. "No she's here for Lucas."

"He didn't tell her he went to London with Peyton?" Susan looked up at Nathan. "With Peyton." She sighed. "Of course. Well thank you for letting me know. When will they be back?"

I flipped through my calendar. "2 days before the wedding." I replied. "aha." She said and stood up. "I guess I'll be going then, thank you," I hugged her good bye and said: "If you need a someone to watch Keith or someone to talk to I'm here." She nodded and then left.

"Oh! I can't believe Lucas didn't tell her!" I complained. "yeah me neither." Liv said. I looked up, and then burst out in a fit of laughter.

* * *

This morning I woke up with Lucas' arms wrapped around me. Felt good. I was careful not to lift my head, I was quite sure that would mean, suffering a slow a painful death. So instead I cuddled up in Lucas' embrace and closed my eyes again. Although the sunlight shone brightly through the curtains, it wasn't quite enough to wake my hung over lover. Yesterday we arrived in Paris, city of love and fashion. Brooke e-mailed me the hot spots on Paris' Night life, and that was kind of how we were now both hung over. After London, last week we changed our British pounds for Euros and got on a plane.  
Yesterday we arrived at three in the afternoon and after settling in, in our Paris style hotel, (Brookes recommending ), it had all high ceilings and mirrors and shiny details. I loved it. The king-size bed definitely to best part of the room, was well big and very comfortable.

All settled in we headed into the city, for dinner. I still feel kind of bad for spending all Luke money, but he keeps insisting. I wonder how long it takes before his credit card balances. Then i'll have to spent all my money too. Although I'm kind of curious whether he would say "I'm out of money let's go home." Or that he would say. "I'm out of money time for you to pay." He would probably make me choose. Very fair.

"Hey sunshine." A hoarse voice said. I turned to find Lucas staring at me, smiling. "Hey you finally awake sleepy." I greeted him. He chuckled, but then winced. "Ouch, bad idea. You awake long?"  
I chucked carefully, "No just a couple of minutes." I closed my eyes and again and enjoyed the through coming sunlight. "Nice day huh?" He commented on the smiled on my face that appeared with the sunlight on my face. "wasn't that the idea of France?" I said, not opening my eyes as I replied. "I guess."

"If not we should stay in bed all day.." I mused, eyes still closed. "Mmh" Lucas mumbled. "Not a bad idea." A smile spread across my face. Lucas began to track a trail of kisses down my neck. I tried not to giggle. I squeezed my eyes closed and held back my giggles. The sheets were tightly tucked around my torso as Lucas began to pulled them away, or t least tried. "No, no whole day in bed not the whole day sex."

"All the same to me." He replied and continued to tuck on the sheets.

* * *

I darted through my hotel hall, my purse swung over my shoulder, our room key – a real key, once a small town always a small town. Or something like that – in my hand. Julian waddled behind me with de suitcases. 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21 bingo. I sipped the key into the lock and unlocked the door. Haley had been yelling at me for taking so long to get here. Most of the time I let her yell.

I'd spent the last week packing my suitcases – Julian was carrying three suitcases – So I was ready for anything in the next three weeks. With Peyton in Europe, not returning till two days before the wedding, I had a free shot for anything I wanted to do with Liv. Haley had assigned me to clothes – including the dress, the reason she was angry I was late – Location and decoration. Those two were one, I was assigned to decorate the ranch, which she hired and I had already decorated once before at my own wedding. Julian was very good at decorating a remembered so that's kind of why it took him. That and the fact that hotel rooms tend to do things with men and I still wanted a baby.

I pushed the door open and skipped into the room, ditching my purse on the couch. I flopped on the bed. "Ahh it's a nice bed." Julian pulled in the last suitcase and slammed the door shut. He didn't looked pleased, not the slightest. "Oh boy" I sighed at his expression. That too didn't thrill him. "You could have mentioned that I was marrying a girl, who hops on a flight every time her friends call. Than I would have thought twice." He turned around and started unpacking his suitcase, walking off and on to the bathroom, and the walk-in closet in the little entrance of the room.

I sighed and ignored his mood. I flopped back on the bed and ignoring his bad mood said; "The bed is very comfortable. Very bouncy." I bounced up and down a bit. When he looked up from where he was momentarily positioned, I smirked. "Wanna try?" I temped him. He sighed and muttered something about distraction. I rolled my eyes and hopped of the bed. "fine by me." I said and grabbed my coat and purse and headed for the door. "Where are you going?"He asked sternly.

"Hales, she needs my help you know…" I said and opened the door. He hurried to the door and slammed it shut for nose. 'Hey!" I yelling pulling my fingers away before they got caught in between.

I looked right into his a-minute-before-filled-with-anger eyes. Now he was smirking. "Didn't think so, she gets to have you for the next three weeks, but not yet."He pushed me up the door and stuck his tongue in my mouth, gently as always. His hands slipped down my back to my ass, as I clung with both my hands to his neck. A burst of giggles exploded from my throat and he pulled his mouth away from mine. He looked at me questioningly, so I flashed a smile and attacked his answering grin with my lips. "Ah!" I squealed as his slipped his sort-of-cold hands down my jeans.

I wrapped my legs around his waist and smiled. He waddled with my around his waist and neck to the bed and flopped down. "I told you the bed was nice." I said, straddling him. He nodded and kissed me.

* * *

**CLOSING NOTE: I heard there was a lot of misunderstanding about what happened and I got the idea I changed my writing style through the story... true? Tell me i'd like to know. and do you like it better know or not? If you got confussed tell me i'll try clearing things up and that you can help me clear thing up. THanks you!**

**Love philine**


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